Today's topic is about perception. As a young woman, I always knew that one day I was going to be a mom. I had this preconceived notion of how this was going to come to fruition. If anyone knew me as a teenager they might say I was at the far end of the spectrum for teenage rebellion. I wish my hobbies included cheerleading & church instead of munchie pitstops and club hopping when I was young. I was swept up in the whole rave craze at the time and my selfishness and immaturity was apparent to all who knew me.
Even while I was telling off my parents and breaking curfew I was dreaming of the day I would become a mother. I used to see kids having tantrums in checkout lines at the grocery store and would ponder how much better I was equipped to handle such insolence. In hindsight, I see how rediculous this sounds. When you're young pride and naivety are your biggest road blocks. I now see my mother as the viking she is. She raised me with so much love that I soaked it up without ever questioning her struggles. Not until I experienced them myself could I clearly see their depth.
My sons were born 11 months apart. They were called "Irish twins" because of their proximal births. This meant that I had two babies who could neither walk nor self-soothe for a period of time. Needless to say, this presented some interesting challenges for my inexperienced self. The first being bathing. Would I always reek of baby puke and diaper wipes? I tried the obvious and jumped in the shower after pacing my infant sons nap schedule so that I had a short window of time to complete my remedial task. This is when I realized that these immature beings come equipped with a radar. Without fail, within minutes of turning on the shower one of them would wake up screaming. After, looking in the mirror and seeing my reflection I started to panic. I looked like I had been beaten with an ugly stick! I swallowed my pride and begged my mother for advice.
As I looked around my apartment I began taking in how wrong I had been about my mom. She had been where I was and somehow, made it look easy. As I sat on the couch crying while I wrapped my mind around my lack of prowess as a mom I heard a knock at the door.As I opened it, my mother stood smiling with two huge boxes next to her. Vibrating chairs, she said, would be my saving grace. She gave me hug and then proceded to fill my fridge with groceries. She then gave me a knowing smile and told me that this period in my life would challenge me but, she had faith I was strong enough to plow through it and face it head on. "One foot in front of the other, Jenn" she said. " Just take it one day at a time you will find your footing". Her praise and encouragement was just what I had needed.
As I washed the crusty stuff from my hair with my sons gently bobbing in their seats I had an epiphany. My mother's wisdom was hard earned through sleepless nights and many more selfless acts than I could ever comprehend.Her patience was something that she also had to grow into. As her family expanded and her responsiblities piled up I am sure she had felt similarly overwelmed at times. Motherhood humbles you in a way that nothing else can. It forces you to reach farther than you thought possible and to extend yourself everyday.I am thankful for the chaos, the giggles I hear from my sons room late at night,the little feet that pitter patter into my bed while I'm sleeping.These things combined with a hearty outlook gave me an abundant existance that I could never have imagined. Maybe, it wasn't the way I had envisioned it as a young woman. I've learned to adapt.I've learned to ask for help. I can only hope that one day my children will have the reality check I did and really "see" me as I now see my mom.One can only hope...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
The Myths of Parenting Exposed!!!!
Beware, if you have yet to enter the threshold of parenting this might frighten you out of it! Sure, people warned me of the changes my body would encounter. I had an inkling that my breasts might become more like socks with weights in them after nursing worked it's magic. Other veteran moms smirked when I touted how I wanted four children while pregnant with my first. In fact, I'm pretty sure they warned me of the many pitfalls of motherhood repeatedly. When your young, idealism tends to win out over practicality. I'd like to explore some of the myths of parenting that go so often ignored by our Utopian society.
One of the first falsehoods I encountered as a new mom is this inscrutable notion that breastfeeding prevents pregnancy. Where did this fabrication come from? I recall many things about my hospital experience when delivering my first born. The first being "the boob Nazi's". These were the women sent in my room under the guise of lactation consultants. There job, as far as I can tell, is to grab your milk-makers and shove them in your babies mouth! The next memory that sticks out is how I was told repeatedly by these women that breastfeeding(if done exclusively) prevents pregnancy. They seemed so knowledgeable and bold to be able to come into my room and perform such a task that I was fooled into thinking they wouldn't steer me astray. Kind of like when you're 15 yrs. old and choose to date a much older ,more experienced guy(I never did this, of coarse. It's just an example. Wink! Wink!). You, naivly believe he knows all the answers just because he's so confident.
I found out how wrong they were during my post partum check up approximately eight weeks after my son Nikolas's birth. I had missed my initial appointment that was scheduled as a six week check up . I remember how excited I was to show off my precious child. Unfortunately, I had a terrible doctor at the time who my mom and I referred to as "the bitchy troll" so I just focused on displaying him to everyone else. My mood was joy full as I entered the office. It felt nice to comb my hair and actually have time to rinse out the shampoo as my mom held my son while I got ready. Needless to say, the day started out promising. My memory is pretty foggy following my sons birth due to many factors including hormones and sleep deprivation. However, this day will forever be ingrained in my mind as the day I became cognizant of the fact that you can't trust everyone, no matter how confident they may appear.
The mood was light. Everyone seemed enamored with my boy. It felt validating. Then, "the bitchy troll's" face became instantaneously solemn. She informed me that I was expecting. I looked around for Ashton Kutcher, hoping I was being "punked". He never appeared. My mom began laughing! Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me but, it sounded like a baby doll who's batteries are low. It wasn't her normal laugh. The "bitchy troll" then proceeded to admonish me for not giving my body time to heal, as if this was planned! I can honestly say this turned out to be a blessing, as I can't imagine my life without my son, Andreas. At the time, however, it was a lot to take in.
The second myth I'd like to examine is that breastfeeding is a natural instinct. We have this romantic notion in our heads of feeding our infant without it being in any way difficult. Animals do it! They don't need any encouragement. Why would women, you might ask. I read baby books. I vaguely skimmed the section on nursing because I was eluded enough to think it was a no-brainer. Let me elaborate. There is an occurrence called a "growth spurt" that happens at approximate times during the first several months of nursing. This is a kind way of saying that your wee-infant will marathon nurse for days, to encourage milk production. It can catch you off guard if your not in the know because I, unfortunately, took it as a sign that my body was lacking somehow. After two days of this I began to crack. At one point, I thought about breaking out the solid baby food even though my son was only two weeks old. I figured he must be an anomaly. Maybe, he was a future line-backer and needed a special diet. Thankfully, my mother talked me out of this and suggested I introduce some formula. In hindsight, I regret my hysteria and wish I would've called the "boobie hotline" that the hospital supplied.
So you see, myths about motherhood exist. They confuse new mothers and make us second guess ourselves. Sometimes, they come from the most unlikely of sources so, as veteran moms, it's our job to expose them so others don't have to suffer. Even if we look like complete idiots, it's our duty to mention these dark fabrications. Most will likely do what I did and shun our well-meaning advice. That's ok. In time, they will learn and join the club.
One of the first falsehoods I encountered as a new mom is this inscrutable notion that breastfeeding prevents pregnancy. Where did this fabrication come from? I recall many things about my hospital experience when delivering my first born. The first being "the boob Nazi's". These were the women sent in my room under the guise of lactation consultants. There job, as far as I can tell, is to grab your milk-makers and shove them in your babies mouth! The next memory that sticks out is how I was told repeatedly by these women that breastfeeding(if done exclusively) prevents pregnancy. They seemed so knowledgeable and bold to be able to come into my room and perform such a task that I was fooled into thinking they wouldn't steer me astray. Kind of like when you're 15 yrs. old and choose to date a much older ,more experienced guy(I never did this, of coarse. It's just an example. Wink! Wink!). You, naivly believe he knows all the answers just because he's so confident.
I found out how wrong they were during my post partum check up approximately eight weeks after my son Nikolas's birth. I had missed my initial appointment that was scheduled as a six week check up . I remember how excited I was to show off my precious child. Unfortunately, I had a terrible doctor at the time who my mom and I referred to as "the bitchy troll" so I just focused on displaying him to everyone else. My mood was joy full as I entered the office. It felt nice to comb my hair and actually have time to rinse out the shampoo as my mom held my son while I got ready. Needless to say, the day started out promising. My memory is pretty foggy following my sons birth due to many factors including hormones and sleep deprivation. However, this day will forever be ingrained in my mind as the day I became cognizant of the fact that you can't trust everyone, no matter how confident they may appear.
The mood was light. Everyone seemed enamored with my boy. It felt validating. Then, "the bitchy troll's" face became instantaneously solemn. She informed me that I was expecting. I looked around for Ashton Kutcher, hoping I was being "punked". He never appeared. My mom began laughing! Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me but, it sounded like a baby doll who's batteries are low. It wasn't her normal laugh. The "bitchy troll" then proceeded to admonish me for not giving my body time to heal, as if this was planned! I can honestly say this turned out to be a blessing, as I can't imagine my life without my son, Andreas. At the time, however, it was a lot to take in.
The second myth I'd like to examine is that breastfeeding is a natural instinct. We have this romantic notion in our heads of feeding our infant without it being in any way difficult. Animals do it! They don't need any encouragement. Why would women, you might ask. I read baby books. I vaguely skimmed the section on nursing because I was eluded enough to think it was a no-brainer. Let me elaborate. There is an occurrence called a "growth spurt" that happens at approximate times during the first several months of nursing. This is a kind way of saying that your wee-infant will marathon nurse for days, to encourage milk production. It can catch you off guard if your not in the know because I, unfortunately, took it as a sign that my body was lacking somehow. After two days of this I began to crack. At one point, I thought about breaking out the solid baby food even though my son was only two weeks old. I figured he must be an anomaly. Maybe, he was a future line-backer and needed a special diet. Thankfully, my mother talked me out of this and suggested I introduce some formula. In hindsight, I regret my hysteria and wish I would've called the "boobie hotline" that the hospital supplied.
So you see, myths about motherhood exist. They confuse new mothers and make us second guess ourselves. Sometimes, they come from the most unlikely of sources so, as veteran moms, it's our job to expose them so others don't have to suffer. Even if we look like complete idiots, it's our duty to mention these dark fabrications. Most will likely do what I did and shun our well-meaning advice. That's ok. In time, they will learn and join the club.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
God Has A Sense Of Humor...
As new parents, Nik & I were bombarded with practical advice from well-meaning friends and relatives. The day we brought my first born home from the hospital I was constantly on edge for fear that they somehow knew how inept we were as parents.Everyone had seen how maladjusted our family dog turned out so I thought at any moment they would stop us from leaving the premises with a stern warning that we promptly enroll in a class of some kind.
The advice from my family was filled with words like mutual respect & open communication. My M-I-L gave me a different recipe for marital bliss that involved a huge Greek cookbook and a gentle reminder that in marriage "the husband is the head and the wife is the neck". As Nik and I entered our apartment that day my mind was flooded with all the recommendations of our loved ones as I lay my son down in his beautifully decorated room.
I think Bill Cosby best describes what parenting does to a couple in his stand up routine called "Bill Cosby Himself". He speaks of how children are born with "brain damage" and how it changes how parents look & feel over time. I, now a mother three, can see his logic. He also states how God has a sense of humor. I can honestly say the best advice I received was to sleep when the baby sleeps and not worry about the dust piling up.I can't say I listened to it ,at first, as I believed I was handling myself pretty moderately. Self-awareness seems to be the first thing to slip away as we settle into our role as parents. Certain changes begin to eat away at us, no matter how well prepared we think we are for them.
The first being sleep deprivation. Nik & I were quite the night owls in our early years so we thought we had that one covered. Boy, were we wrong! Let me just say that waking up with an infant every few hours for months at time is not the same as dancing til dawn with your platforms. At one point ,I left the house to go to the store with my son snugly in his baby sling. I kept wondering why people where avoiding my gaze as I passed them in the produce section. Finally, a kind women whispered into my ear to go to the restroom and look in the mirror.
I had grown so accustomed to just wearing my nursing bra that I had left the house without a top. Thankfully, the sling had covered most of me but, it was at this moment I recalled God and his sense of humor. I also began to see the importance of keeping mine intact. Another time, I found myself in the same grocery store with more customers trying NOT to look at me. This time I had fresh baby puke oozing down my back. I had been wondering why I kept smelling something foul and repeatedly kept checking my sons diaper. Goodtimes!
As I've come to accept how little control I have in life's little ebbs and flows the more I appreciate God and his sense of humor. It keeps me humbled and reminds me that life"s a journey. It's not where we end up that's important. It's about the experiences we have along the way. As, I write this now music is blasting. My sons are in their Halloween costumes break dancing.My daughter is in her brothers cop uniform trying to do a split. My chihuahua is trying to hump my leg and my big dog has somehow eaten off the back of my remote....I rest my case.
The advice from my family was filled with words like mutual respect & open communication. My M-I-L gave me a different recipe for marital bliss that involved a huge Greek cookbook and a gentle reminder that in marriage "the husband is the head and the wife is the neck". As Nik and I entered our apartment that day my mind was flooded with all the recommendations of our loved ones as I lay my son down in his beautifully decorated room.
I think Bill Cosby best describes what parenting does to a couple in his stand up routine called "Bill Cosby Himself". He speaks of how children are born with "brain damage" and how it changes how parents look & feel over time. I, now a mother three, can see his logic. He also states how God has a sense of humor. I can honestly say the best advice I received was to sleep when the baby sleeps and not worry about the dust piling up.I can't say I listened to it ,at first, as I believed I was handling myself pretty moderately. Self-awareness seems to be the first thing to slip away as we settle into our role as parents. Certain changes begin to eat away at us, no matter how well prepared we think we are for them.
The first being sleep deprivation. Nik & I were quite the night owls in our early years so we thought we had that one covered. Boy, were we wrong! Let me just say that waking up with an infant every few hours for months at time is not the same as dancing til dawn with your platforms. At one point ,I left the house to go to the store with my son snugly in his baby sling. I kept wondering why people where avoiding my gaze as I passed them in the produce section. Finally, a kind women whispered into my ear to go to the restroom and look in the mirror.
I had grown so accustomed to just wearing my nursing bra that I had left the house without a top. Thankfully, the sling had covered most of me but, it was at this moment I recalled God and his sense of humor. I also began to see the importance of keeping mine intact. Another time, I found myself in the same grocery store with more customers trying NOT to look at me. This time I had fresh baby puke oozing down my back. I had been wondering why I kept smelling something foul and repeatedly kept checking my sons diaper. Goodtimes!
As I've come to accept how little control I have in life's little ebbs and flows the more I appreciate God and his sense of humor. It keeps me humbled and reminds me that life"s a journey. It's not where we end up that's important. It's about the experiences we have along the way. As, I write this now music is blasting. My sons are in their Halloween costumes break dancing.My daughter is in her brothers cop uniform trying to do a split. My chihuahua is trying to hump my leg and my big dog has somehow eaten off the back of my remote....I rest my case.
Our Befuddled Beginning...
So, I bet you're wondering why I decided to make a blog about motherhood & crazy pets. I am sure they're a dime a dozen! What makes my life special? The truth is I think more mothers could relate to my craziness than they would like to admit. Let me start from the beginning so you can get a feel for our demeanor's before I share our experiences. I am thirty four years old. Ethnically, I am a product of a Brooklyn bred Italian-Irish clan. My great grandparents were "straight off the boat" and while proud Americans, they tenaciously held on to their culture. I am married to a loud, Greek man who will be the first to tell you all about his superior heritage. We met in 2000 at a cousins wedding. It must have been love at first sight as only a real man could find me attractive as I was wearing a shiny, fuscia bridesmaid dress.
So, we were both the "wild children" in our respective family's. We hung out all night together but, when the morning light reared it's ugly head I startled my future husband with a request. I felt it pertinent that he at least, come meet my father and shake his hand. Anyone who is from the Tarpon/ Clearwater area knows that information travels freakishly fast there. I knew family members would be questioning our whereabouts. So, we got in the car and headed towards the bridal brunch with good intentions.This is when Nik began asking me questions. How was my father built? Was he a big man? Did he enjoy mixed martial arts? Did he own any weapons? Then we did what any respectable new couple would do. WE FLED! He drove me straight to Tallahassee. The rest is history. We were off to a tumultuous start!
After we married, we were advised by concerned family members to get a pet. They were uneasy with the fact that we might procreate. So, we purchased the first of many deranged animals. We're not sure if they came into the world that way or they are a product of our influence. Regardless, people assumed the latter. Our puppy was a min-pin. He was adorable! He was a also a tad unhinged. He, like all puppies, enjoy chewing things. Lots of things, including cement, drywall, down feathers, rocks and various other indigestible objects. Being inexperienced pet owners we thought everyone had their vet on speed dial. I began reading pet training manuals. This is when I realized we were doing EVERYTHING WRONG!
He slept with us. Our first error. We kept his food bowl filled to the rim. An even bigger travesty, as these actions made it clear to him that he was an equal in the pecking order.It also made him look more like a deformed Labrador than a min-pin. He began humping everything. My husband called it a trick! He was proud that his dog, at least did ONE thing on demand. We also felt it was positive that he had the courtesy to look frightened when we entered the living room to find him eating our couch. Needless to say, people began to doubt our abilities as parents. This is when I found out that I was expecting. Nik & are were overjoyed! Surely, we had enough time to hone in on our parenting skills. I naively thought that all the answers were just a few miles away at the local book store. Nik, on the other hand, trusted that because I was woman, I would instinctively know what to do. He comes from a VERY traditional mindset in which Greek men should stay within their culture and be catered to. I come from hippie parents who feel that parents don't even need to be the same species much less the same ethnic background. They also taught me that men & woman are on equal playing Fields.You can see where there might be some turbulence in our future. This is where I will leave off, for today. I look forward to sharing many laughs with you as I describe our journey into parenting.
So, we were both the "wild children" in our respective family's. We hung out all night together but, when the morning light reared it's ugly head I startled my future husband with a request. I felt it pertinent that he at least, come meet my father and shake his hand. Anyone who is from the Tarpon/ Clearwater area knows that information travels freakishly fast there. I knew family members would be questioning our whereabouts. So, we got in the car and headed towards the bridal brunch with good intentions.This is when Nik began asking me questions. How was my father built? Was he a big man? Did he enjoy mixed martial arts? Did he own any weapons? Then we did what any respectable new couple would do. WE FLED! He drove me straight to Tallahassee. The rest is history. We were off to a tumultuous start!
After we married, we were advised by concerned family members to get a pet. They were uneasy with the fact that we might procreate. So, we purchased the first of many deranged animals. We're not sure if they came into the world that way or they are a product of our influence. Regardless, people assumed the latter. Our puppy was a min-pin. He was adorable! He was a also a tad unhinged. He, like all puppies, enjoy chewing things. Lots of things, including cement, drywall, down feathers, rocks and various other indigestible objects. Being inexperienced pet owners we thought everyone had their vet on speed dial. I began reading pet training manuals. This is when I realized we were doing EVERYTHING WRONG!
He slept with us. Our first error. We kept his food bowl filled to the rim. An even bigger travesty, as these actions made it clear to him that he was an equal in the pecking order.It also made him look more like a deformed Labrador than a min-pin. He began humping everything. My husband called it a trick! He was proud that his dog, at least did ONE thing on demand. We also felt it was positive that he had the courtesy to look frightened when we entered the living room to find him eating our couch. Needless to say, people began to doubt our abilities as parents. This is when I found out that I was expecting. Nik & are were overjoyed! Surely, we had enough time to hone in on our parenting skills. I naively thought that all the answers were just a few miles away at the local book store. Nik, on the other hand, trusted that because I was woman, I would instinctively know what to do. He comes from a VERY traditional mindset in which Greek men should stay within their culture and be catered to. I come from hippie parents who feel that parents don't even need to be the same species much less the same ethnic background. They also taught me that men & woman are on equal playing Fields.You can see where there might be some turbulence in our future. This is where I will leave off, for today. I look forward to sharing many laughs with you as I describe our journey into parenting.
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