Reality Check

Today's topic is about perception. As a young woman, I always knew that one day I was going to be a mom. I had this preconceived notion of how this was going to come to fruition. If anyone knew me as a teenager they might say I was at the far end of the spectrum for teenage rebellion. I wish my hobbies included cheerleading & church instead of munchie pitstops and club hopping when I was young. I was swept up in the whole rave craze at the time and my selfishness and immaturity was apparent to all who knew me.
Even while I was telling off my parents and breaking curfew I was dreaming of the day I would become a mother. I used to see kids having tantrums in checkout lines at the grocery store and would ponder how much better I was equipped to handle such insolence. In hindsight, I see how rediculous this sounds. When you're young pride and naivety are your biggest road blocks. I now see my mother as the viking she is. She raised me with so much love that I soaked it up without ever questioning her struggles. Not until I experienced them myself could I clearly see their depth.
My sons were born 11 months apart. They were called "Irish twins" because of their proximal births. This meant that I had two babies who could neither walk nor self-soothe for a period of time. Needless to say, this presented some interesting challenges for my inexperienced self. The first being bathing. Would I always reek of baby puke and diaper wipes? I tried the obvious and jumped in the shower after pacing my infant sons nap schedule so that I had a short window of time to complete my remedial task. This is when I realized that these immature beings come equipped with a radar. Without fail, within minutes of turning on the shower one of them would wake up screaming. After, looking in the mirror and seeing my reflection I started to panic. I looked like I had been beaten with an ugly stick! I swallowed my pride and begged my mother for advice.
As I looked around my apartment I began taking in how wrong I had been about my mom. She had been where I was and somehow, made it look easy. As I sat on the couch crying while I wrapped my mind around my lack of prowess as a mom I heard a knock at the door.As I opened it, my mother stood smiling with two huge boxes next to her. Vibrating chairs, she said, would be my saving grace. She gave me hug and then proceded to fill my fridge with groceries. She then gave me a knowing smile and told me that this period in my life would challenge me but, she had faith I was strong enough to plow through it and face it head on. "One foot in front of the other, Jenn" she said. " Just take it one day at a time you will find your footing". Her praise and encouragement was just what I had needed.


As I washed the crusty stuff from my hair with my sons gently bobbing in their seats I had an epiphany. My mother's wisdom was hard earned through sleepless nights and many more selfless acts than I could ever comprehend.Her patience was something that she also had to grow into. As her family expanded and her responsiblities piled up I am sure she had felt similarly overwelmed at times. Motherhood humbles you in a way that nothing else can. It forces you to reach farther than you thought possible and to extend yourself everyday.I am thankful for the chaos, the giggles I hear from my sons room late at night,the little feet that pitter patter into my bed while I'm sleeping.These things combined with a hearty outlook gave me an abundant existance that I could never have imagined. Maybe, it wasn't the way I had envisioned it as a young woman. I've learned to adapt.I've learned to ask for help. I can only hope that one day my children will have the reality check I did and really "see" me as I now see my mom.One can only hope...