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Saturday, November 13, 2010
Top O The Morning~
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Friday, November 12, 2010
"Like Oil & Water"
Prior to Nik and I getting married, we were both warned that our difference's might cause a divergence in our familial life. Equally, he and I, both have issue's with wanting to dominate and control. As I'm sure you can imagine, our marriage has hit some rough patches along the way. It started literally, from the day we were married. My wedding was a beautiful and heartfelt occasion! It also lasted three hours long, was in another language & we didn't get to say the part about " I pledge allegiance to the dothness, for which it stands, to honor & obey, forever more, in sickness & in health". Well, whatever vows sound like, anyway, that's not part of a Greek wedding ceremony. The fight for the upper hand started with an old wives tale & has continued on ,since. There is a part, during the ceremony, that if I managed to step on Nik's foot, during the precise moment, that the priest said a particular phrase, then, henceforth, I would have the upper hand in the marriage. If Nik managed to beat me to it, then, it just meant that it was a silly old wives tale. Did I mention the fact that the ceremony was in Greek and,at the time, the only Greek words I knew were "hello" and "no sex tonight" so he ,most definitely, had the advantage.
The pictures from this day are hysterical! From all the foot stepping we were both in tremendous pain!! Do not underestimate toe pain! Those little suckers swelled up in my shoes within the first five minutes of the ceremony and I would not have been surprised, if my shoes would have needed to be cut off my feet, by the end of the night!. I am sure Nik's friends thought that he looked dazed and confused because they had given him Ecstasy the night before and kept him out until the sun came up. My friends, on the other hand, believed that my pained expression was due to something completely unrelated. They knew that I was secretly four months pregnant and blamed my strange facial expression's on being tightly girdled and thus unable to inhale fully. To this day, the battle of who won that little game has yet, to be determined.
Over time, these type's of issue's leaked into our life in many ways. The traditional upbringing my husband had versus the free-thinking ,hippie childhood I had growing up certainly, came to play in our parenting methods. I wanted to be very matter of fact regarding the kids body parts, while Nik felt we should just pretend they didn't exist. One day, my daughter exclaimed that "her china needed a shower because she wanted to keep it from getting tinky!" All the blood rushed from my husbands face and I can't remember the exact tirade but, it involved words like "convent" and "chastity belt". I'm guessing, he wanted me to make up cutsie names like "girlie bits" for Lexi and "Unit" for the boys. We better figure out the solution soon because Alexia is convinced she has a penis and that she can pee "tanding up" and since we can't come to an agreement ,on the proper term, I can't correct her.
The other way that our respective upbringings have challenged us is our opposing view on pets. Don't get me wrong, Nik likes them. However,his mom believes they're dangerous, walking, breathing disease infestations. He never had a family pet. I didn't think this mattered until the day we brought our first child home from the hospital. Nik began spraying lysol all over the parameters of the rooms that the dog went into. It got so bad that the paint began peeling off the walls of our rented apartment. To make matters worse, he began washing the dog daily, in antibacterial hand soap. Our min- pin looked like a cross between a hairless cat and a piglet. The dog looked pathetic! When we took him out for walks, people tried to look away from the sad looking creature that, was our family pet. The only exception was this sweet, elderly neighbor whose sight was clearly failing. She asked me for the name of my breeder. She actually thought he was supposed to look like that! I've tried to comfort Nik and help him realize that when it comes to kids and pets, death isn't lurking on every strand of pet hair. The situation exacerbated when I brought home a cat. Nik was sure the little kitten was just standing in wait for us to doze off in a slumber so it could suck the life out of us! He honestly believed that they're evil creatures sent here from satan to suck out our souls, while we sleep! I have yet to figure out a convincing rebuttal to this since you can't use logic with such an irrational claim.
On the bright side of my husband and I being so divergent, our kids get the best of both worlds. I'm hoping they will grow up to be very polite, bright, children who are ,also, free thinkers. Nik fears the worst with all our mixed messages and thinks they might be stuffy,disturbed adults that own time shares at nudist colonies. He wakes up vaguely mumbling,every so often, saying something about Alexia being stuck in a place that she uses her "girlie bits" flagrantly, all about the town. I try to encourage him by exclaiming that, it was he, who won the foot stepping battle at our wedding, while I keep my fingers crossed tightly, behind my back. At which time, he denounces my generous offering with a kiss on the cheek while also, managing to cross his fingers, somewhere out of my view. Our life may not be one you would pick but, marriage comes in many flavors. Any good cook will tell you that combining ingredients that seem like they shouldn't mix can be tricky! With a little imagination ,however, and a large serving of patience it can result in something that ignites all your senses that will be passed from generation to generation.
The pictures from this day are hysterical! From all the foot stepping we were both in tremendous pain!! Do not underestimate toe pain! Those little suckers swelled up in my shoes within the first five minutes of the ceremony and I would not have been surprised, if my shoes would have needed to be cut off my feet, by the end of the night!. I am sure Nik's friends thought that he looked dazed and confused because they had given him Ecstasy the night before and kept him out until the sun came up. My friends, on the other hand, believed that my pained expression was due to something completely unrelated. They knew that I was secretly four months pregnant and blamed my strange facial expression's on being tightly girdled and thus unable to inhale fully. To this day, the battle of who won that little game has yet, to be determined.
Over time, these type's of issue's leaked into our life in many ways. The traditional upbringing my husband had versus the free-thinking ,hippie childhood I had growing up certainly, came to play in our parenting methods. I wanted to be very matter of fact regarding the kids body parts, while Nik felt we should just pretend they didn't exist. One day, my daughter exclaimed that "her china needed a shower because she wanted to keep it from getting tinky!" All the blood rushed from my husbands face and I can't remember the exact tirade but, it involved words like "convent" and "chastity belt". I'm guessing, he wanted me to make up cutsie names like "girlie bits" for Lexi and "Unit" for the boys. We better figure out the solution soon because Alexia is convinced she has a penis and that she can pee "tanding up" and since we can't come to an agreement ,on the proper term, I can't correct her.
The other way that our respective upbringings have challenged us is our opposing view on pets. Don't get me wrong, Nik likes them. However,his mom believes they're dangerous, walking, breathing disease infestations. He never had a family pet. I didn't think this mattered until the day we brought our first child home from the hospital. Nik began spraying lysol all over the parameters of the rooms that the dog went into. It got so bad that the paint began peeling off the walls of our rented apartment. To make matters worse, he began washing the dog daily, in antibacterial hand soap. Our min- pin looked like a cross between a hairless cat and a piglet. The dog looked pathetic! When we took him out for walks, people tried to look away from the sad looking creature that, was our family pet. The only exception was this sweet, elderly neighbor whose sight was clearly failing. She asked me for the name of my breeder. She actually thought he was supposed to look like that! I've tried to comfort Nik and help him realize that when it comes to kids and pets, death isn't lurking on every strand of pet hair. The situation exacerbated when I brought home a cat. Nik was sure the little kitten was just standing in wait for us to doze off in a slumber so it could suck the life out of us! He honestly believed that they're evil creatures sent here from satan to suck out our souls, while we sleep! I have yet to figure out a convincing rebuttal to this since you can't use logic with such an irrational claim.
On the bright side of my husband and I being so divergent, our kids get the best of both worlds. I'm hoping they will grow up to be very polite, bright, children who are ,also, free thinkers. Nik fears the worst with all our mixed messages and thinks they might be stuffy,disturbed adults that own time shares at nudist colonies. He wakes up vaguely mumbling,every so often, saying something about Alexia being stuck in a place that she uses her "girlie bits" flagrantly, all about the town. I try to encourage him by exclaiming that, it was he, who won the foot stepping battle at our wedding, while I keep my fingers crossed tightly, behind my back. At which time, he denounces my generous offering with a kiss on the cheek while also, managing to cross his fingers, somewhere out of my view. Our life may not be one you would pick but, marriage comes in many flavors. Any good cook will tell you that combining ingredients that seem like they shouldn't mix can be tricky! With a little imagination ,however, and a large serving of patience it can result in something that ignites all your senses that will be passed from generation to generation.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
" I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS"
I felt the need to go off topic again. My mood greatly influences my subject matter and this week I felt the need to go off the beaten path.
Today, I want to examine how much friendship has impacted me throughout my life. As a woman, I can't imagine going through life without the bond & camaraderie of my friends. Is this something that is unique to just me or is this need one that is universal? Watching my daughter with her first BFF inspired me to ponder the beautiful, sometimes complex desire to connect with other human beings in this way. As I glimpse at her & her friend hugging each other and jumping up and down as they share excitement for having matching shoes I recognize myself, when I was 4 years old. That was the age that I was blessed to connect with my my oldest girlfriend. While her and I are obviously not genetically bound, I can not imagine how my life would be in her absence.
How relevant are our bonds with our friends. The obvious answer makes sense as we journey through childhood & adolescence. It's role has changed as I have matured but,it's legitimacy has not. While I don't want to downplay the role of family I can't stress enough the importance my friendships have meant for me. As I made the change from child to woman these bonds were tested on numerous occasions. Our complexities and inner turmoil won out,at times, over our loyalty to one another. Over time, I have had the honor & privilege of meeting some magnificent and awe-inspiring people! They have brought so much to my life and their mere presence has nurtured me in ways they, most likely, can't comprehend.
My friends have grounded me during the times that I grappled with my conscience. When I've been contending with major personal trauma I have found it difficult to "see" a way out. They, tenaciously solicit my choices so that I dig deeper and start to require more from myself. This is no easy task as I've been described as adamant & extremely stubborn. My natural defense mechanisms will betray me unless I am interrogated. I have a feeling that I'm not alone in this. Being a first-born comes with its disadvantages, one being, a domineering & egotistic view, at times. I sincerely treasure those that love me enough to challenge me. Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy. My friends have consistently reminded me to keep my pride in check.
In my darkest moments, where I have lamented my woes and agonized over my mistakes my friends have been the one's who have been my lifeline. Their positivity has nourished me through my most toilsome and oppressive days that have brought me to my brink. Sometimes, it's a simple gesture like a quick hello from them that reminds me that my journey through life is not one that I need to navigate alone. While life is at it's most treacherous it is far more compliant when you have good friends in your corner.
I read an article recently that was explaining how much women benefit from healthy friendships. It struck me, because, while innately I was aware of how I felt, seeing the results of the study heightened my awareness in a way that I couldn't have done on my own. It explained that women who develop strong friendships ,in life, live an average of ten years longer than those who do not. I don't know about you but, I'll take another ten years! Further, it explained that if a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer and has, at least one, solid friend to lean on while going through treatment her odds of survival go up substantially. The last fact that I can recall from the study was one that I find to be the most captivating because it's about perception. A woman is asked to climb a steep hill. She was then asked how long she thought it would take. When paired with her closest friend her answer was invariably shorter even though the distance was equivalent.
That statement is tantamount to the others because it so closely resembles how I feel. It crystallizes my recognition of how indebted I am to those who have trusted me to share their journey with them. An eloquent quote I've heard recently, sums up friendship by saying "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you can't remember the words". For today, I'll leave you with that....
Today, I want to examine how much friendship has impacted me throughout my life. As a woman, I can't imagine going through life without the bond & camaraderie of my friends. Is this something that is unique to just me or is this need one that is universal? Watching my daughter with her first BFF inspired me to ponder the beautiful, sometimes complex desire to connect with other human beings in this way. As I glimpse at her & her friend hugging each other and jumping up and down as they share excitement for having matching shoes I recognize myself, when I was 4 years old. That was the age that I was blessed to connect with my my oldest girlfriend. While her and I are obviously not genetically bound, I can not imagine how my life would be in her absence.
How relevant are our bonds with our friends. The obvious answer makes sense as we journey through childhood & adolescence. It's role has changed as I have matured but,it's legitimacy has not. While I don't want to downplay the role of family I can't stress enough the importance my friendships have meant for me. As I made the change from child to woman these bonds were tested on numerous occasions. Our complexities and inner turmoil won out,at times, over our loyalty to one another. Over time, I have had the honor & privilege of meeting some magnificent and awe-inspiring people! They have brought so much to my life and their mere presence has nurtured me in ways they, most likely, can't comprehend.
My friends have grounded me during the times that I grappled with my conscience. When I've been contending with major personal trauma I have found it difficult to "see" a way out. They, tenaciously solicit my choices so that I dig deeper and start to require more from myself. This is no easy task as I've been described as adamant & extremely stubborn. My natural defense mechanisms will betray me unless I am interrogated. I have a feeling that I'm not alone in this. Being a first-born comes with its disadvantages, one being, a domineering & egotistic view, at times. I sincerely treasure those that love me enough to challenge me. Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy. My friends have consistently reminded me to keep my pride in check.
In my darkest moments, where I have lamented my woes and agonized over my mistakes my friends have been the one's who have been my lifeline. Their positivity has nourished me through my most toilsome and oppressive days that have brought me to my brink. Sometimes, it's a simple gesture like a quick hello from them that reminds me that my journey through life is not one that I need to navigate alone. While life is at it's most treacherous it is far more compliant when you have good friends in your corner.
I read an article recently that was explaining how much women benefit from healthy friendships. It struck me, because, while innately I was aware of how I felt, seeing the results of the study heightened my awareness in a way that I couldn't have done on my own. It explained that women who develop strong friendships ,in life, live an average of ten years longer than those who do not. I don't know about you but, I'll take another ten years! Further, it explained that if a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer and has, at least one, solid friend to lean on while going through treatment her odds of survival go up substantially. The last fact that I can recall from the study was one that I find to be the most captivating because it's about perception. A woman is asked to climb a steep hill. She was then asked how long she thought it would take. When paired with her closest friend her answer was invariably shorter even though the distance was equivalent.
That statement is tantamount to the others because it so closely resembles how I feel. It crystallizes my recognition of how indebted I am to those who have trusted me to share their journey with them. An eloquent quote I've heard recently, sums up friendship by saying "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you can't remember the words". For today, I'll leave you with that....
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