I felt the need to go off topic again. My mood greatly influences my subject matter and this week I felt the need to go off the beaten path.
Today, I want to examine how much friendship has impacted me throughout my life. As a woman, I can't imagine going through life without the bond & camaraderie of my friends. Is this something that is unique to just me or is this need one that is universal? Watching my daughter with her first BFF inspired me to ponder the beautiful, sometimes complex desire to connect with other human beings in this way. As I glimpse at her & her friend hugging each other and jumping up and down as they share excitement for having matching shoes I recognize myself, when I was 4 years old. That was the age that I was blessed to connect with my my oldest girlfriend. While her and I are obviously not genetically bound, I can not imagine how my life would be in her absence.
How relevant are our bonds with our friends. The obvious answer makes sense as we journey through childhood & adolescence. It's role has changed as I have matured but,it's legitimacy has not. While I don't want to downplay the role of family I can't stress enough the importance my friendships have meant for me. As I made the change from child to woman these bonds were tested on numerous occasions. Our complexities and inner turmoil won out,at times, over our loyalty to one another. Over time, I have had the honor & privilege of meeting some magnificent and awe-inspiring people! They have brought so much to my life and their mere presence has nurtured me in ways they, most likely, can't comprehend.
My friends have grounded me during the times that I grappled with my conscience. When I've been contending with major personal trauma I have found it difficult to "see" a way out. They, tenaciously solicit my choices so that I dig deeper and start to require more from myself. This is no easy task as I've been described as adamant & extremely stubborn. My natural defense mechanisms will betray me unless I am interrogated. I have a feeling that I'm not alone in this. Being a first-born comes with its disadvantages, one being, a domineering & egotistic view, at times. I sincerely treasure those that love me enough to challenge me. Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy. My friends have consistently reminded me to keep my pride in check.
In my darkest moments, where I have lamented my woes and agonized over my mistakes my friends have been the one's who have been my lifeline. Their positivity has nourished me through my most toilsome and oppressive days that have brought me to my brink. Sometimes, it's a simple gesture like a quick hello from them that reminds me that my journey through life is not one that I need to navigate alone. While life is at it's most treacherous it is far more compliant when you have good friends in your corner.
I read an article recently that was explaining how much women benefit from healthy friendships. It struck me, because, while innately I was aware of how I felt, seeing the results of the study heightened my awareness in a way that I couldn't have done on my own. It explained that women who develop strong friendships ,in life, live an average of ten years longer than those who do not. I don't know about you but, I'll take another ten years! Further, it explained that if a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer and has, at least one, solid friend to lean on while going through treatment her odds of survival go up substantially. The last fact that I can recall from the study was one that I find to be the most captivating because it's about perception. A woman is asked to climb a steep hill. She was then asked how long she thought it would take. When paired with her closest friend her answer was invariably shorter even though the distance was equivalent.
That statement is tantamount to the others because it so closely resembles how I feel. It crystallizes my recognition of how indebted I am to those who have trusted me to share their journey with them. An eloquent quote I've heard recently, sums up friendship by saying "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you can't remember the words". For today, I'll leave you with that....
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