Note: This blog was inspired by a recent blog that I saw where the person was trying to give advice on how to prepare people to become parents. I think the same applies for those about to make the HUGE decision to Homeschool your kids. To say that my life has changed since I began homeschooling would be an understatement. I get asked all the time by those considering homeschooling where to begin. This blog will help you :)
1) The first thing you need to do to prepare for home educating your children is to become accustomed to having the kids with you 24 hours a day. I suggest making a TO-DO list of all the things that you have neglected over the past few years. Think getting your teeth cleaned, pressure washing the house, cleaning out the inside of all your cabinets, getting your car detailed, getting a facial, cleaning your gutters, early Christmas shopping etc. Now, plan on doing all of them over the course of the next week. Make sure you have your children with you at all times. Become accustomed to singing your ABC's while you are waiting in line and skip counting as you walk through the grocery store. Remember, everything is a "Learning Opportunity" now. There is educational value in the produce section of your local grocery store. Have your children put the apples and the oranges in the cart while also putting them into a pattern. Bring along a couple of hula hoops with you everywhere so you have a "Handy Venn Diagram" with you at all times. Go out and purchase annoying cd's that you can play that teach math concepts. The more irritating the better. Play them repeatedly in the car, over and over until you know all the words. Repeat for several years.
2) It is important for you to grasp that cleaning your house will be "different" now that the children are home all the time. I suggest going through the house and cutting up construction paper in each room. Take all the shoes out of your kids closet and sprinkle them in each room. Clean your living room then immediately have the children run through it after they have played in dirt. Take every book you can find and open it up and leave it all over the kitchen table. Go to the library and max out the amount of books you can borrow. Now give them to your children and tell them to hold them on their person for the next 3 weeks. Now, go on a mad search and gather them all and do this again.
3) Homeschooling with toddlers in the house: To practice teaching your older children while having little ones underfoot I suggest getting some chickens. Let them run around the room while trying to teach a history lesson. Make sure your older children pay attention to you and not focus on the chickens. Be cheerful & calm. If you have a male child add a rooster to the mix.
4) Now it's time to decide on your curriculum. Find a Rainbow resource book and read all 5 billion pages. Scour the internet late into the night on Pinterest for lesson plans. When reading the ads for the curriculum that make it sound like it could change your life be sure to get really excited. Order several different kinds. Make sure to tell your kids all about their new curriculum so they can share in the joy! Stay up late for weeks planning a curriculum then only do it for two days. Start the process over again. Do this for several years. Make sure you read lots of homeschool blogs where the families are perfect and cover 93 subjects everyday of the week.
5) Now it's time to set up your "school".Get on the internet and google homeschool rooms. Look under images to get inspired. Go out and purchase a flag, a school bell, desks and spend days painting and redecorating your living room to look like a classroom(think rainbows and cheerful colors). Buy a chalkboard. Set up "stations" for math and reading. Make it look like your childhood kindergarten classroom. Now, do all your laundry and fold all the clean clothes and put it all over the desks and chairs. From this point on you won't be using this classroom since your kids prefer to sit at the kitchen table or the floor to learn.
6) Now it's time to grasp which type of homeschooling philosophy you are going to embrace. Go to the library and check out books and unschooling, Charlotte Mason, The Moore Method, Carschooling, eclectic homeschooling etc. Read them all cover to cover. Each week try a new one. Repeat 100 times for the next 5 years.
7) It's important to have a cheerful heart so you can inspire your children. Stand in front of the mirror every morning and talk about your least favorite subject. For me it would be math. You might want to study the subject for a few days so you can look like you are really smart. Kids come equipped with a BS METER. Now, make this subject sound like its something you will need to use in everyday life. "Today we are going to talk about algebra. Algebra is really important because you could become rich if you are the person who FINALLY FIGURES OUT WHAT THE HELL X STANDS FOR!! You could make millions by posting this on YouTube. You could become a YouTube Math Sensation and have a billion hits. Then a college scouter could come offer YOU $ to go to Harvard. . It could happen".
YOU ARE NOW READY TO HOMESCHOOL YOUR CHILDREN.
In all seriousness, homeschooling did change my life. I count a trip to the bathroom as "me time". I have had to lower my expectations about what a clean house looks like. I have found the "perfect" curriculum and changed it a billion times! However, my kids are thriving. I can safely say that most days are really cool because I get to see their face light up when they learn something new. I KNOW my kids. They have become really good friends with each other. We don't spend half of our life sitting in the car on the way to/from school. We don't spend our nights doing homework. We take vacations when we want. Lastly, I know that my kids are getting a QUALITY education that's aimed at obtaining knowledge for life, not for a standardized test.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
The Parianos Christmas 2012
We had a wonderful Christmas this year! It wasn't hectic or hurried. It was beautifully intimate and filled with the love of family. The house was filled with the laughter of children. Our tummy's were filled with yummy food. Our hearts were filled with joy. We are most certainly blessed. Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year from our home to yours.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Untethered
I am not sure the exact moment that it happens but, I can tell you when it opened in me. The gradual and silent unfolding of love that occurs when we become mothers. It's an ironic thing really. The more that our love for our child grows and blossoms, the less they need us. It is a slow and deliberate dance that plays out, not in seconds but in fleeting moments that connect our hearts to our brain in the most delicate of fashions.
I am a shadow of the woman I was before motherhood changed me. I would sit and caress my belly at night. Just a small amount of fascia that separated my baby and I. I would dream and hope and picture his life as I thought it would be. Then he was born, placed on me and we locked eyes. My heart swelled with a feeling I had never felt before. A love so addicting that the rest of the world could have stopped and I wouldn't have noticed. His needs are urgent and fierce. My desires become clouded and my priorities shift.
The instinctual grasp of motherhood tethers me to him. He is walking now. I see a glimmer in his eyes as he walks away from me and I realize that I need to become accustomed to letting go. I silently gasp when he falls and wait for his reaction. He looks to me still, to be his compass. I am just now, learning what this means. I wrap him up inside my protective gaze and I will the world to be gentle to him, to treat him fairly.
Each time he smiles I feel it happening. He tells me "I wuv you Mama". The gaping, unbarred heart of mine is raw and exposed. He has feelings now. Anger and frustration abound because he does not yet have the skills to communicate his robust and unyielding awareness of the world. His pain is mine. He gets sick and I physically hurt for him. His laughter and merriment are infectious. We play. We sing. I rock him to sleep each night at my breast. We are connected in a way I never knew possible.
He storms off with a burrowed brow. Stomping his feet and flailing his arms with a tempered and hostile manner. His words sting. "I hate you mama!" I knew this day would come. I remind myself that he wouldn't share such feelings if he did not feel safe with me. His wrath cools and he's in my lap, stroking my face. Butterfly kisses and salty cheeks. I am his soft place, his island of safety. The world pulls him further and I let go a little more. All the while, I am evolving. The gaping abyss of my most inner self is forced to spread out. The expectations I had before are expansive and always altering with each new stage in his life.
I tickle his back while he ponders the calamities of the world. He is filled with questions, some of which, I myself don't know the answer to. He is a boy of 12. Remnants of his baby self come out when he is frustrated. The pull of manhood is on the horizon. As he navigates the world, all it takes is one look from him and I know what's in his heart most days. Other times, I feel lost and helpless. His emotions become stronger than he is. At times, I want to wrap him in my arms and quiet his mind but, he won't let me. I worry for him. He is susceptible. I muster a strength in me I didn't know I had. I assure him that this too shall pass. It is a right of passage. This time in life is filled with wonderment, if only he will stay open to it. I try to impart the tools he will need. I try...
He walks toward me and envelopes me in his powerful yet tender arms. He is man now. His face lacks the roundness that I remember. In it's place, there are sharp edges and prominent features. My insides swell with pride. He assures me that he is all right, that he's doing well. My love for him is a great chasm that is ever changing. It's a precipice, a gaping and expanding mix of emotions that are ingrained into the deepest part of me. He changed me. His love changed me. Life's meaning and purpose are engrossed in my expectations of what he will become. We embrace and lock eyes and I am, once again, unfolded, encircled, enveloped, entwined, untethered. Such is the life of a mother.
I am a shadow of the woman I was before motherhood changed me. I would sit and caress my belly at night. Just a small amount of fascia that separated my baby and I. I would dream and hope and picture his life as I thought it would be. Then he was born, placed on me and we locked eyes. My heart swelled with a feeling I had never felt before. A love so addicting that the rest of the world could have stopped and I wouldn't have noticed. His needs are urgent and fierce. My desires become clouded and my priorities shift.
The instinctual grasp of motherhood tethers me to him. He is walking now. I see a glimmer in his eyes as he walks away from me and I realize that I need to become accustomed to letting go. I silently gasp when he falls and wait for his reaction. He looks to me still, to be his compass. I am just now, learning what this means. I wrap him up inside my protective gaze and I will the world to be gentle to him, to treat him fairly.
Each time he smiles I feel it happening. He tells me "I wuv you Mama". The gaping, unbarred heart of mine is raw and exposed. He has feelings now. Anger and frustration abound because he does not yet have the skills to communicate his robust and unyielding awareness of the world. His pain is mine. He gets sick and I physically hurt for him. His laughter and merriment are infectious. We play. We sing. I rock him to sleep each night at my breast. We are connected in a way I never knew possible.
He storms off with a burrowed brow. Stomping his feet and flailing his arms with a tempered and hostile manner. His words sting. "I hate you mama!" I knew this day would come. I remind myself that he wouldn't share such feelings if he did not feel safe with me. His wrath cools and he's in my lap, stroking my face. Butterfly kisses and salty cheeks. I am his soft place, his island of safety. The world pulls him further and I let go a little more. All the while, I am evolving. The gaping abyss of my most inner self is forced to spread out. The expectations I had before are expansive and always altering with each new stage in his life.
I tickle his back while he ponders the calamities of the world. He is filled with questions, some of which, I myself don't know the answer to. He is a boy of 12. Remnants of his baby self come out when he is frustrated. The pull of manhood is on the horizon. As he navigates the world, all it takes is one look from him and I know what's in his heart most days. Other times, I feel lost and helpless. His emotions become stronger than he is. At times, I want to wrap him in my arms and quiet his mind but, he won't let me. I worry for him. He is susceptible. I muster a strength in me I didn't know I had. I assure him that this too shall pass. It is a right of passage. This time in life is filled with wonderment, if only he will stay open to it. I try to impart the tools he will need. I try...
He walks toward me and envelopes me in his powerful yet tender arms. He is man now. His face lacks the roundness that I remember. In it's place, there are sharp edges and prominent features. My insides swell with pride. He assures me that he is all right, that he's doing well. My love for him is a great chasm that is ever changing. It's a precipice, a gaping and expanding mix of emotions that are ingrained into the deepest part of me. He changed me. His love changed me. Life's meaning and purpose are engrossed in my expectations of what he will become. We embrace and lock eyes and I am, once again, unfolded, encircled, enveloped, entwined, untethered. Such is the life of a mother.
Friday, December 7, 2012
HOW I (DON'T), (CAN'T), (WON'T) DO IT ALL......
When I tell people that I home school four kids I always get the same look from others. I am sure other home school parents or SAHM's can relate to this. The person looks at me and their eyes get a little wider and they stare at me as if I am a magical flying unicorn. "Oooooh how nice. I could NEVER do that! You must be so organized and patient". To that, I always just smile and nod. The truth is, I don't "do it all". If the sweet lady who I was having this conversation with stopped looking at me and paid attention to my 11 year old's mismatched shoes or the fact that he may or may not have fuzzy stuff on his teeth from not brushing them this morning, then she might grasp how silly of a notion that is. Motherhood, in all it's glory, is a messy business. People like myself, with several children, have to learn to lower our expectations. We have to learn to embrace noise and chaos and messiness. If we don't, we might just go nuts.
Let's take cleaning, for instance. I clean under pressure. I do not do good work unless there is some kind of incentive for me to mop or dust. I think most of my mommy friends can relate to this: I look around my home. It's a mish mosh of toys and clothes strewn about. I call a friend and ask them to come over in two hours for a "playdate" which is code for "mommy needs grown up conversation"(ok, I need time in there to chug a coffee!)= CLEAN, sparkling house!!!(forget that there's clothes thrown under the bed. One must learn to lower her expectations about these types of things). The best part about this is, we all say, as our friend is walking in the door "oh, excuse the mess" as if this is the dirty version of our home. The truth is, there's still a pile of laundry taller than me in the laundry room. Why do you think they put doors in a house? Why, it's to hide some of our mess, of course!
Now let's discuss exercise. I confess, I used to be a gym rat! I would go and drop my kids off at school and work out for two hours, maybe even more. You could have easily ,mistaken my ass for a 20 year olds ass. It was pretty nice, I must admit. Then, I began home schooling and had my fourth child. Now, exercise goes something like this:
9pm- put kids and baby to sleep.
9:30- get kids school work ready for the next day.
9:45pm-12am- end up on Pinterest looking for cool science experiments to do with the kids, then chat with friends via FB because I am starved for adult conversation.
12:30am- roll into bed, being sure to be extra quiet so as not to wake up the sleeping baby.
12:31am- promptly fall asleep
12:35am- massive fail!!! Baby hears my snoring(there, I said it, I snore!) and begins to cry. I pick him up and bring him into bed to nurse.
1:15am- baby wakes up due to teething and will only sleep if rocked and nursed.
1:45am- put baby down to sleep and crawl back into bed "vewy, vewy quwietwy"( that's my impression of the looney tunes character who likes to hunt "wabbits")
4:30am- baby wakes up to nurse and promptly poops. I must physically wake up to change the baby and then more rocking back to sleep.
5am- baby is sound asleep and I am wide awake so I get up.
5:30am- I go for a walk to get in my exercise while my two eldest sons wake up and begin fighting. They call me repeatedly to break up their arguments over Pokemon cards. I hear actual violence so I rush home after 10 minutes.
I might have actually worked out for a total of 15 minutes! My butt sure as heck does not look like a 20 year olds anymore! Now, when I see people posting on FB that they are working out(something I used to do a lot), I become irritated and decide that they must be vain!
The thing is, I realize that I can't do it all. My kids and I might take off a day of home schooling just to clean our house once in a while.. We might eat oatmeal for dinner. If we're lucky, we might all take showers a few times a week. My kids may or may not wear their clothes to bed then get up and go to home school coop. The dust bunnies in my home may actually begin mating to make a "dust bunny family". Lastly, I may finally end up going for a walk but, I most likely will be noshing on a doughnut while I'm doing it! I have come to realize and accept that life IS messy. For those of you that have a super clean house and kids who are wearing matching clothes, I may just look at you like you are a magical flying unicorn next time I see you...
Let's take cleaning, for instance. I clean under pressure. I do not do good work unless there is some kind of incentive for me to mop or dust. I think most of my mommy friends can relate to this: I look around my home. It's a mish mosh of toys and clothes strewn about. I call a friend and ask them to come over in two hours for a "playdate" which is code for "mommy needs grown up conversation"(ok, I need time in there to chug a coffee!)= CLEAN, sparkling house!!!(forget that there's clothes thrown under the bed. One must learn to lower her expectations about these types of things). The best part about this is, we all say, as our friend is walking in the door "oh, excuse the mess" as if this is the dirty version of our home. The truth is, there's still a pile of laundry taller than me in the laundry room. Why do you think they put doors in a house? Why, it's to hide some of our mess, of course!
Now let's discuss exercise. I confess, I used to be a gym rat! I would go and drop my kids off at school and work out for two hours, maybe even more. You could have easily ,mistaken my ass for a 20 year olds ass. It was pretty nice, I must admit. Then, I began home schooling and had my fourth child. Now, exercise goes something like this:
9pm- put kids and baby to sleep.
9:30- get kids school work ready for the next day.
9:45pm-12am- end up on Pinterest looking for cool science experiments to do with the kids, then chat with friends via FB because I am starved for adult conversation.
12:30am- roll into bed, being sure to be extra quiet so as not to wake up the sleeping baby.
12:31am- promptly fall asleep
12:35am- massive fail!!! Baby hears my snoring(there, I said it, I snore!) and begins to cry. I pick him up and bring him into bed to nurse.
1:15am- baby wakes up due to teething and will only sleep if rocked and nursed.
1:45am- put baby down to sleep and crawl back into bed "vewy, vewy quwietwy"( that's my impression of the looney tunes character who likes to hunt "wabbits")
4:30am- baby wakes up to nurse and promptly poops. I must physically wake up to change the baby and then more rocking back to sleep.
5am- baby is sound asleep and I am wide awake so I get up.
5:30am- I go for a walk to get in my exercise while my two eldest sons wake up and begin fighting. They call me repeatedly to break up their arguments over Pokemon cards. I hear actual violence so I rush home after 10 minutes.
I might have actually worked out for a total of 15 minutes! My butt sure as heck does not look like a 20 year olds anymore! Now, when I see people posting on FB that they are working out(something I used to do a lot), I become irritated and decide that they must be vain!
The thing is, I realize that I can't do it all. My kids and I might take off a day of home schooling just to clean our house once in a while.. We might eat oatmeal for dinner. If we're lucky, we might all take showers a few times a week. My kids may or may not wear their clothes to bed then get up and go to home school coop. The dust bunnies in my home may actually begin mating to make a "dust bunny family". Lastly, I may finally end up going for a walk but, I most likely will be noshing on a doughnut while I'm doing it! I have come to realize and accept that life IS messy. For those of you that have a super clean house and kids who are wearing matching clothes, I may just look at you like you are a magical flying unicorn next time I see you...
Friday, November 30, 2012
Home Schooling During the Holidays...
As a busy mom of four, I am often intrigued by the many blogs I read about home schooling. It always seems like I never have the time to do all the fun and exciting things that others get to do. I'm not complaining so much as I am in awe. We are planning on working hard over the next 13 days and then will take "off" from our typical workbox work. I am excited to approach things in an "unschooley"(is that a word?) type fashion for about three weeks. I hope to do science experiments, drink hot cocoa and see Christmas lights(I promise to use sippy cups or something with a cover. This is for my hubby, who is neurotic about keeping our van clean), make ornaments, practice random acts of kindness and read a few good books together. I wonder if I can do all of that in just three short weeks? We are having family come and I also need to find a way to do Christmas shopping with all four kids home with me all the time(A new challenge, as my kids were in public school last year).
So, let me pose this question to you: "How do home school during the Holidays?"
I need advice and hand-holding through this. If you wouldn't mind sharing, you would be doing me a huge favor. Thanks in advance & Happy Holidays from our house to yours....
-Jenn
Monday, November 26, 2012
Hand Made Gifts Are Made With Love...
As I sit here and rock my baby to sleep, my mind wanders off to planning this Holiday season. I have decided to make home made gifts this year. I am not talking about useless coasters either. I have some special ideas in mind for my dear friends & family.
The best part about this is that I can include the children in my gift making.
How special for them to learn about the joy one gets from making something for those we love. I am also excited about using fresh organic ingredients. The children can help print out labels and write sweet sentiments on each of the gifts.
What kinds of things do you like to do for Christmas? Are there crafts that you enjoy doing as a family? What's your thought on home made gifts? This will be our first year attempting this. Please send prayers & positive thoughts as this crazy homeschooler is a far cry from a domestic Goddess! This will truly be a labor of love...
Happy Holidays from our house to yours!
- Jenn Parianos
The best part about this is that I can include the children in my gift making.
How special for them to learn about the joy one gets from making something for those we love. I am also excited about using fresh organic ingredients. The children can help print out labels and write sweet sentiments on each of the gifts.
What kinds of things do you like to do for Christmas? Are there crafts that you enjoy doing as a family? What's your thought on home made gifts? This will be our first year attempting this. Please send prayers & positive thoughts as this crazy homeschooler is a far cry from a domestic Goddess! This will truly be a labor of love...
Happy Holidays from our house to yours!
- Jenn Parianos
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Night From Hell...
So, judging by the title of this blog I'm sure you've ascertained that it's a horror story. It actually is a horror story but, not the kind you are used to hearing. This is a different breed all together. There's no blood and gore but, I assure you, sleep deprivation is a scary thing. It's used as a form of torture for soldiers in training and with good reason! It messes you up! If you have any friends with baby fever, just email them this blog entry. It should cure it right up!
Ok, so here it goes. My night from HELL:
We have family in town visiting and so our normal routine has gone out the window this week. Who knew that an 8 month old child could possibly sense this? These little humans have spidey senses. They can sense when things are "off". My sister in law is visiting. She is also my wee sons Godmother. Let me just say that if you wanted to witness pure and delirious love, just watch my sister- in- law with my infant son. She would probably have sucked his little cheeks right off his face if I would've let her this week. She is completely and utterly in love with my son. She also came to visit when my baby boy was 2 months old. To help me, she rocked my little angel to sleep by gently swaying and humming. He remembers this, because babies are like elephants and can recall ALL kinds of things that we are not aware of. Their brains are like sponges or something, or so I've read. Ok, so back to the night in question. My baby boy not only has an excellent memory but, I've discovered that he is somewhat passive aggressive. He doesn't cry when he sees me walk into a room and he wants me to hold him. No, not my boy! He moans while giving my eye-daggers then promptly bites the poor unsuspecting victim who's holding him! Remember the biting thing because we will come back to it again.
So, last night we decided to watch a movie at midnight. Why not? We can sleep when we are dead! Carpe Diem and all that jazz... I never said I was the brightest candle on the cake now did I?
Anywho, so my baby went to bed at 9:30pm and then awoke, as usual, at midnight to nurse. "Cootie" as I like to call him, is like clockwork. He has a routine and as a parent who believes in attachment parenting, I have followed my baby's lead on when he eats and sleeps. Never the less, it was a good routine. UNTIL....he woke up at midnight and instead of going back to sleep, sensed that we were all wide awake and followed suit. Cootie was bright eyed and bushy tailed until 2am, when we all went to bed. Only, he was so wound up that he wouldn't fall asleep nursing next to me like usual. No, he wanted to be rocked and hummed to... If I tried to lay him next to me to nurse he would BITE ME. He wouldn't break the skin but, let me assure you that even with only three teeth, a gentle bite on your nipples feels like a baby shark is nursing! You might be wondering right about now how I knew that my wee lamb wanted to be coddled and rocked and hummed to. I knew because if I held my baby boy in the cradle position, he would physically move himself left to right while humming to HIMSELF! If I stopped humming he would begin to hum but, in a very aggressive manner and give me the stink eye. A few times I felt myself dozing off while humming. What woke me from this relaxed state was a a little "shark nip" administered by little "Cootie". This fun little dance went on and on for what seemed like hours. Finally, he fell asleep. This is where things got tricky. You see, as a mom, I've learned to develop special talents. Get your mind out of the gutter....not "THOSE" kinds of talents! No, special abilities that only moms seem to comprehend. Putting my wee lamb down in his bed without waking him is a very delicate situation. When you have rocked and hummed and have been bitten numerous times, you have worked too hard to have all of it just thrown down the drain! So, you must place the baby in his bed in a particular way. There is no breathing during these few moments so it helps if you have a diving certificate from your pre-baby days. You can practice this skill when you take baths by holding your breath while using an egg timer. The key is to learn to be completely motionless WHILE imparting a feeling of comfort and warmth to your infant. It sounds much easier than it actually is. It takes practice & experience. Thankfully, as a mom of four, I have had that, so I was able to get my Cootie into his bed, which is right next to mine, in a matter of seconds.
Then, this is the other tricky part, I had to some how crawl into my bed without the motion waking him up. Once again, practice is key here. Doing drills with your husband may help. Also, playing hide and go seek in the dark with your other children can be useful to hone in on your special "mommy talents". Speaking of my husband, you might be wondering where he is during this everlasting night. He layed down at 2:00am and was in dreamland promptly by 2:02am. You see, fathers don't seem to notice when there is movement or sound in the room. I think they must have dull senses because they have to be able to sleep through their very own LOUD, bomb-like snoring. They all seem to be extremely heavy sleepers. For some reason, they don't hear the baby crying. I often wonder, as I am sitting there nursing my baby for the 15th time by 5am how the hell our offspring would survive if men could nurse. I know that it's no accident that women were given this role. Men just don't seem to notice noises at night. I on the other hand, have bat-like hearing, when I am trying to sleep. I should say, I have that kind of hearing now that I am a mother. Prebaby, I was much like my husband, sleeping peacefully despite an alarm going off for hours.
So, I crawl into my bed while I hold my breath and move without really moving, doing it in steps, so as to get comfortable. It is now 3am. My husband, who is dead to the world, does not realize we are supposed to be holding our breath so he COUGHS and snores then COUGHS again.
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, WAAAAAAAAAHHH, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Cootie is up.....again. I bring him into bed with me and try to tickle his back and begin nursing him. I start to fall asleep. I think I even started to dream then..... OUCH, he nips me and starts rocking and humming HIMSELF in the bed. NO, not this again, I think to myself but, he is determined. Every time I try to fall back asleep my wee little lad keeps nipping my poor girlie bits.
So, I wake up and cuddle my baby boy in my arms and start the hhhhmmm, hhhhmmmm,hhhmmmm, rock, sway, hhhhmmm,hhhhmmmm, rock, sway.
I feel him let go. Heavy weight in my arms. It's now 3:49am. Again, I do the special holding breath thing and place him in his bassinet. I sneak into my bed with the utmost care, careful not to breath or move too much. I have to pee but, I don't care, I just decide to try and pretend that I don't. Have you ever done this while falling asleep? It's all I can think about but, I can't risk that much movement. I've worked too hard! So, out of sheer exhaustion, I start to fall asleep.
THEN, in walks my 6 year old. BABAAAAAA(daddy in Greek). BABAAAAA!!!! (6 year olds don't know that sound travels)
WAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAH! (The baby wakes up)
My husband.....is.....still......snoring.
I hush my daughter and tell her to get in my bed. She starts to fall back asleep. I pick the baby up and start the rocking and humming. At this point, I am delirious. I think I may even be hallucinating because I swear I hear I cat meowing. This would be fine except we don't own any cats. I do the breath holding thing and put the baby down. I crawl into the bed and, once again, ignore the full bladder. I start to fall asleep.
COUGH, COUGH, COUGH....snore.
I wait. I hold my breath instinctively because.....well, just because.
Nothing. Whew!
I'm in the clear. My eyes are blurry but, I think the clock says 4:46am.
I close my eyes and start to allow myself to drift off.
It's quiet.
For all of a minute and a half.
"Mamaaaaaaaa, I'm thiiiiiiirsty. Can you get me some waaaaater" says my daughter.
WAAAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
"ZZZZZzzzzzzzz" my husband is still snoring.
This is the "Night from Hell", mommy style.
Ok, so here it goes. My night from HELL:
We have family in town visiting and so our normal routine has gone out the window this week. Who knew that an 8 month old child could possibly sense this? These little humans have spidey senses. They can sense when things are "off". My sister in law is visiting. She is also my wee sons Godmother. Let me just say that if you wanted to witness pure and delirious love, just watch my sister- in- law with my infant son. She would probably have sucked his little cheeks right off his face if I would've let her this week. She is completely and utterly in love with my son. She also came to visit when my baby boy was 2 months old. To help me, she rocked my little angel to sleep by gently swaying and humming. He remembers this, because babies are like elephants and can recall ALL kinds of things that we are not aware of. Their brains are like sponges or something, or so I've read. Ok, so back to the night in question. My baby boy not only has an excellent memory but, I've discovered that he is somewhat passive aggressive. He doesn't cry when he sees me walk into a room and he wants me to hold him. No, not my boy! He moans while giving my eye-daggers then promptly bites the poor unsuspecting victim who's holding him! Remember the biting thing because we will come back to it again.
So, last night we decided to watch a movie at midnight. Why not? We can sleep when we are dead! Carpe Diem and all that jazz... I never said I was the brightest candle on the cake now did I?
Anywho, so my baby went to bed at 9:30pm and then awoke, as usual, at midnight to nurse. "Cootie" as I like to call him, is like clockwork. He has a routine and as a parent who believes in attachment parenting, I have followed my baby's lead on when he eats and sleeps. Never the less, it was a good routine. UNTIL....he woke up at midnight and instead of going back to sleep, sensed that we were all wide awake and followed suit. Cootie was bright eyed and bushy tailed until 2am, when we all went to bed. Only, he was so wound up that he wouldn't fall asleep nursing next to me like usual. No, he wanted to be rocked and hummed to... If I tried to lay him next to me to nurse he would BITE ME. He wouldn't break the skin but, let me assure you that even with only three teeth, a gentle bite on your nipples feels like a baby shark is nursing! You might be wondering right about now how I knew that my wee lamb wanted to be coddled and rocked and hummed to. I knew because if I held my baby boy in the cradle position, he would physically move himself left to right while humming to HIMSELF! If I stopped humming he would begin to hum but, in a very aggressive manner and give me the stink eye. A few times I felt myself dozing off while humming. What woke me from this relaxed state was a a little "shark nip" administered by little "Cootie". This fun little dance went on and on for what seemed like hours. Finally, he fell asleep. This is where things got tricky. You see, as a mom, I've learned to develop special talents. Get your mind out of the gutter....not "THOSE" kinds of talents! No, special abilities that only moms seem to comprehend. Putting my wee lamb down in his bed without waking him is a very delicate situation. When you have rocked and hummed and have been bitten numerous times, you have worked too hard to have all of it just thrown down the drain! So, you must place the baby in his bed in a particular way. There is no breathing during these few moments so it helps if you have a diving certificate from your pre-baby days. You can practice this skill when you take baths by holding your breath while using an egg timer. The key is to learn to be completely motionless WHILE imparting a feeling of comfort and warmth to your infant. It sounds much easier than it actually is. It takes practice & experience. Thankfully, as a mom of four, I have had that, so I was able to get my Cootie into his bed, which is right next to mine, in a matter of seconds.
Then, this is the other tricky part, I had to some how crawl into my bed without the motion waking him up. Once again, practice is key here. Doing drills with your husband may help. Also, playing hide and go seek in the dark with your other children can be useful to hone in on your special "mommy talents". Speaking of my husband, you might be wondering where he is during this everlasting night. He layed down at 2:00am and was in dreamland promptly by 2:02am. You see, fathers don't seem to notice when there is movement or sound in the room. I think they must have dull senses because they have to be able to sleep through their very own LOUD, bomb-like snoring. They all seem to be extremely heavy sleepers. For some reason, they don't hear the baby crying. I often wonder, as I am sitting there nursing my baby for the 15th time by 5am how the hell our offspring would survive if men could nurse. I know that it's no accident that women were given this role. Men just don't seem to notice noises at night. I on the other hand, have bat-like hearing, when I am trying to sleep. I should say, I have that kind of hearing now that I am a mother. Prebaby, I was much like my husband, sleeping peacefully despite an alarm going off for hours.
So, I crawl into my bed while I hold my breath and move without really moving, doing it in steps, so as to get comfortable. It is now 3am. My husband, who is dead to the world, does not realize we are supposed to be holding our breath so he COUGHS and snores then COUGHS again.
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, WAAAAAAAAAHHH, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Cootie is up.....again. I bring him into bed with me and try to tickle his back and begin nursing him. I start to fall asleep. I think I even started to dream then..... OUCH, he nips me and starts rocking and humming HIMSELF in the bed. NO, not this again, I think to myself but, he is determined. Every time I try to fall back asleep my wee little lad keeps nipping my poor girlie bits.
So, I wake up and cuddle my baby boy in my arms and start the hhhhmmm, hhhhmmmm,hhhmmmm, rock, sway, hhhhmmm,hhhhmmmm, rock, sway.
I feel him let go. Heavy weight in my arms. It's now 3:49am. Again, I do the special holding breath thing and place him in his bassinet. I sneak into my bed with the utmost care, careful not to breath or move too much. I have to pee but, I don't care, I just decide to try and pretend that I don't. Have you ever done this while falling asleep? It's all I can think about but, I can't risk that much movement. I've worked too hard! So, out of sheer exhaustion, I start to fall asleep.
THEN, in walks my 6 year old. BABAAAAAA(daddy in Greek). BABAAAAA!!!! (6 year olds don't know that sound travels)
WAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAH! (The baby wakes up)
My husband.....is.....still......snoring.
I hush my daughter and tell her to get in my bed. She starts to fall back asleep. I pick the baby up and start the rocking and humming. At this point, I am delirious. I think I may even be hallucinating because I swear I hear I cat meowing. This would be fine except we don't own any cats. I do the breath holding thing and put the baby down. I crawl into the bed and, once again, ignore the full bladder. I start to fall asleep.
COUGH, COUGH, COUGH....snore.
I wait. I hold my breath instinctively because.....well, just because.
Nothing. Whew!
I'm in the clear. My eyes are blurry but, I think the clock says 4:46am.
I close my eyes and start to allow myself to drift off.
It's quiet.
For all of a minute and a half.
"Mamaaaaaaaa, I'm thiiiiiiirsty. Can you get me some waaaaater" says my daughter.
WAAAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
"ZZZZZzzzzzzzz" my husband is still snoring.
This is the "Night from Hell", mommy style.
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