Today's topic has been one of the biggest thorns in my side since I became a mom! My sister and I are 10 years apart so I didn't understand how prevalent it was until I became a parent, myself. When my husband and I got married we would brag about how we wanted "a ton of kids!" I guess we never noticed the sarcastic smiles and the silent snickers of the veteran parents who knew better.
Sibling rivalry creeps up early ,too! My firstborn had it down by the time he was 18 months old! His cleverness would have shocked most adults! If he saw me hand a new stuffed animal to his baby brother he would, quick as a flash,grab it from his chubby little fingers while simultaneously replacing it with some random toy he didn't want. His baby brother didn't even realize the coveted toy had been hijacked! The smile on my eldest sons face was so palpable it could fill a room. Eventually, this no longer worked. Andreas became increasingly aware, as babies tend to do, and started catching on to his brother's trickery. As they have grown, these situations have become more intricate.
With my husband's job pulling him away from home 10 month's out of the year this leaves me being the lucky one who gets pulled into the kid's little tug-of-war's most often. My male children are so territorial of me, I think that the next logical step might be them urinating in a circle around me to shield off the other with his scent! I hope it doesn't come to that but, I am learning not to underestimate the serious nature of these disputes. Is it normal that,upon entering my minivan I found duct tape forming a barrier that divided it in half? How many other family's have to use rulers to measure cake sizes to ensure equal proportions? Do all siblings wait for the other to go to bed to pillage their backpacks to see if the other has some valuable treasure inside it?
Even our family pets get pulled into the action! The boys play a game called "Who's your master?" Each boy stands on opposing sides of the room while making exaggerated hand gestures. They both yell loudly and in an animated fashion trying to out do the other.If this wasn't bad enough, both boys have pockets filled to the rim with dog treats. Our big, male dog excitedly runs from boy to boy lapping up all the attention. Our tiny female chihuahua just sits defiantly in the center of the room as if to say "no way buddy, I'm not choosing either one of you as my master!"
I find myself getting cold sweats when we are out in public and they begin the familiar banter that plays out like a broken record. My nervousness is a result of seeing how quickly they can go from "Mommy, he's sitting in my seat" to "Mommy, he hurted me in the head!" I find it extremely uncomfortable to have to play referee outside of my home. I feel like people think we're the Beverly Hillbillies. Then, there are the kind folks who try to help by telling me how they have heard of this place that you can send unruly boys called "The Pea Farm". Apparently, you pick pea's from sunrise to sunset and get to experience a hard days work. Huh, it seems like child labor laws might close a place like that down. In retrospect, maybe they were making that up. I would look it up right now but, I have to go...Nikolas has super glued our chihuahua to his side of the room!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
"Insufficiently Greek"
"Atleast, you're Greek so I can introduce you to my mom". I will never forget the time when Nik looked at me and nonchalantly said those words to me. If you're not familiar with the Greek culture they may sound shocking. I secretly chuckled to myself because Nik assumed that because my last name was Kousaleos I was as Greek as they come. The fact is, my Greek father adopted me when he married my mom when I was just 6 years old. My upbringing was deeply influenced by both of my parents and their inherent cultures. Nik's kind of reminded me of the movie " Goodfella's" only he didn't have to beat anyone up.
After I explained my lack of "Greekness" to Nik he took it in stride. However, he knew this might be a tricky situation for his parent's as they are first generation Kalymians & he was the baby of the family. He brought me to his big sister's house so we could collaborate with her about how to handle this delicate topic. She prepped me on certain subjects that may come up when I met her parents and offered to come with us when we had our first meeting together. I felt nervous but, tentatively hopeful that I, atleast had her on my side.
We went to a Greek restaurant in the downtown Tarpon Area. I practiced some Greek salutations in the car on the way to the restaurant. Everything seemed to be going pretty well until I saw what my future mother in law ordered as an appetizer. For lack of a better word it looked like a giant penis! It was pickeled octopus! To make a good impression I willed myself to eat it. Nik kept inappropriatly laughing because he knew how much this was out of character for me. He had heard the story of how my dad had tricked me into trying grilled octopus by telling me it was lobster. He had also heard about the ensuing tantrum & vomiting that followed when I had found out what I was actually consuming.Needless to say, pickeled octopus will not be a part of my regular diet.
I am proud to say that ,for the most part, Nik's friends and family embraced me so much that I felt taken a back by they their warmth & acceptance. They looked past the fact that the only Greek words I knew were mainly cuss words. They kindly schooled me the night before my wedding on some basic Greek wedding dances. My Greek relatives closed ranks and helped me to navigate this tightly knit community. I couldn't have asked for more!
As time passed, I have fallen in love with this rich culture! I am proud to be able to share it with my children. My in laws and I laugh about the pickled octopus incedent at family dinners.My mother in law affectionatly calls me a "Kalymia" which translates to "Kalymian woman". I absolutely love Greek food and even started putting lemon on my steak! (Greeks put lemon on EVERYTHING). However, after 10 years of marriage one topic has not been resolved but, something tells me, it never will. Nik seems to believe his heritage supercedes my Italian/Irish stock. His pride borders on narcissm. He proudly denounces mine as inferior while simultaneously bragging that his ancestors overpowered the Italians during the war. I counter that we both have beautiful traditions that color our family life & that ,while unique, both have similar value systems. Greeks are known for their fierce sense of pride. However, I could say the same for the Italians & Irish, as well. So, it seems, this is one of those marital spats that isn't meant to be resolved. Maybe, we need ten more years to figure it out.
After I explained my lack of "Greekness" to Nik he took it in stride. However, he knew this might be a tricky situation for his parent's as they are first generation Kalymians & he was the baby of the family. He brought me to his big sister's house so we could collaborate with her about how to handle this delicate topic. She prepped me on certain subjects that may come up when I met her parents and offered to come with us when we had our first meeting together. I felt nervous but, tentatively hopeful that I, atleast had her on my side.
We went to a Greek restaurant in the downtown Tarpon Area. I practiced some Greek salutations in the car on the way to the restaurant. Everything seemed to be going pretty well until I saw what my future mother in law ordered as an appetizer. For lack of a better word it looked like a giant penis! It was pickeled octopus! To make a good impression I willed myself to eat it. Nik kept inappropriatly laughing because he knew how much this was out of character for me. He had heard the story of how my dad had tricked me into trying grilled octopus by telling me it was lobster. He had also heard about the ensuing tantrum & vomiting that followed when I had found out what I was actually consuming.Needless to say, pickeled octopus will not be a part of my regular diet.
I am proud to say that ,for the most part, Nik's friends and family embraced me so much that I felt taken a back by they their warmth & acceptance. They looked past the fact that the only Greek words I knew were mainly cuss words. They kindly schooled me the night before my wedding on some basic Greek wedding dances. My Greek relatives closed ranks and helped me to navigate this tightly knit community. I couldn't have asked for more!
As time passed, I have fallen in love with this rich culture! I am proud to be able to share it with my children. My in laws and I laugh about the pickled octopus incedent at family dinners.My mother in law affectionatly calls me a "Kalymia" which translates to "Kalymian woman". I absolutely love Greek food and even started putting lemon on my steak! (Greeks put lemon on EVERYTHING). However, after 10 years of marriage one topic has not been resolved but, something tells me, it never will. Nik seems to believe his heritage supercedes my Italian/Irish stock. His pride borders on narcissm. He proudly denounces mine as inferior while simultaneously bragging that his ancestors overpowered the Italians during the war. I counter that we both have beautiful traditions that color our family life & that ,while unique, both have similar value systems. Greeks are known for their fierce sense of pride. However, I could say the same for the Italians & Irish, as well. So, it seems, this is one of those marital spats that isn't meant to be resolved. Maybe, we need ten more years to figure it out.
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