UNSCHOOLING EXPERIMENT: DAY 4

“To understand a child we have to watch him at play, study him in his different moods; we cannot project upon him our own prejudices, hopes and fears, or mould him to fit the pattern of our desires. If we are constantly judging the child according to our personal likes and dislikes, we are bound to create barriers and hindrances in our relationship with him and in his relationships with the world. Unfortunately, most of us desire to shape the child in a way that is gratifying to our own vanities and idiosyncrasies; we find varying degrees of comfort and satisfaction in exclusive ownership and domination.”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti, Education and the Significance of Life

Our 4th day Unschooling was, by far, the most wonderful day we have had in our house in a long time!!! Being that, we have a lot of good days, that says a lot. What made it so special, you ask? Our home was literally, a utopia today. The kids were so pragmatic with each other. There was no bickering. NONE! Throughout the day, there were clandestine little moments that I am sure I missed but, for the most part, I saw a general sense of harmony, without the normal fluctuations in mood that are typical of our household on "school days". My oldest child spent the day being kind and showing empathy towards his brother. This is such a contrast to our normal happenings! Let me explain, my sons are 11 months apart in age, and to add to that, extremely different from each other. My 11 year old grasps most things without trying and isn't always humble about it. My 10 year old is warm, creative and very compassionate, yet he struggles to understand many concepts. I am sure that he often feels like "what's the point" as he trys to comprehend academic concepts. His brother "get's it" right away, and this makes him feel as though he isn't intelligent. As a mom, this breaks my heart. The thing that I can see, that my 10 year old can't, is that, once he grasps something, he really understands it. It doesn't matter that it took him a little longer. I struggle to convey that to him.

What made today so special was that my oldest, on his own recognisance, felt empathy for his brother, and made a decision to act differently towards him. He said "Mama, it must be really tough always watching me do so well, so easily while he struggles. I would hate that! I am not going to boast any more. It makes Andy feel bad. I am going to be more patient and help him". That's exactly what he did. He cooked Andy breakfast and patiently showed him how to do it. He encouraged Andy when he became frustrated at his Greek lessons, urging him to keep trying. He praised him for trying. He even went so far as to tell me that he will let his brother win sometimes, at boardgames, because he wants to build his confidence. He's 11 years old. I wonder what kind of man he will become? I have read that sibling relationships are extremely important for shaping the kind of spouse you will be. If there are no siblings in a family, cousins or very close Friends can stand in for that type of relationship. Normally, the boys relationship is filled with strife and competition. Today showed me that, while my children may or may not be the most erudite, they have learned a ton this week!

Maybe, what we needed most was to look inward, and have the time and space to focus on our relationships with each other. That is the beauty of unschooling, I'm discovering. Time and space and freedom open up the mind to wander. Wandering minds aren't the thing of rebellion and chaos, as many of us were taught to believe. Each day, I am pleasantly surprised at the choices my children are making, ON THEIR OWN. They are reading and writing and playing and exercising and thinking and doing. Not because it's written on a list that I made. They are doing these things because of an innate desire to do them. So, while it may not seem like they are doing "enough" from the outside, upon closer inspection I am finding that the opportunities are boundless with this lifestyle. I am learning so much each day that I think that we need to continue this "experiment" for another week. What do you think?

Morning walk...

This is how my day started....

Unschooling: DAY 3

Today, Andy and Lex were two peas in a pod. They played ALL day....

Today, I woke up at 5:30am and I finally WENT FOR A WALK!!!!!! For those of you that know me, you know how much I love exercise. Since my baby was born, I've had to push my ego aside and put exercise on the back burner.Andy woke up with me and went and it was so special to have that time with him, without anyone else. We saw two bunny rabbits, 4 cats and a snake!!!!!!! It was like going to the Junior Museum for free! This day started off so well that I am going to go to bed by 11:15 tonight and am doing it again tomorrow. Let me gently suggest waking up early and exercising. It really makes you feel alive and invigorated.

Now, onto our unschooling experiment...I have noticed that my 11 year old thrives in this environment.He learns for the sake of learning. He is constantly challenging himself and is thrilled when he grasps a concept that is exceedingly difficult for him! He has the ability to self regulate. He is also a "pleaser" and needs little correction from me. He simply does things out of love and mutual respect for me. Even if his hormones get the better of him, he quickly sees the error of his ways and will self correct. I think this has a lot to do with how much conversation he and I have. While our home is one that has rules like "be kind" with consequences for not doing so, I take an exorbitant amount of time explaining the reasoning behind my actions. I don't do this out of guilt. I believe rules help form expectations for our household. This helps it run smoothly. I explain because I want the kids to have the opportunity to see the logic behind the rules. Most of the time they do. Sometimes, they don't.

In contrast, my 10 year is thriving in this environment but, in a totally different way. He is not really concerned with learning new things right now. He will do a lesson on the computer if he is feeling internal pressure to learn( I am not suggesting that he do this. He just does it because he thinks he should. It's not because of any real need to learn something new). My 10 year old and his 6 year old sister have spent the better part of two days making up fictional worlds and playing make-believe. They have built forts under the kitchen table and dressed up in my husbands suits(as postmen...lol!). They have played "store" and "detective" and "war" and even "The Dog Whisperer". My natural inclination was to dismiss this as child's play but, I am realizing there is something more going on there. He needs this. After a very tumultuous school year last year, he needs some time to decompress and stretch reality. My daughter gets sucked right in because 6 is such a mystical age filled with wonder. She needs this too. They have become inseparable and it really is a special thing to witness. My oldest likes being on his own and independent. He gravitates towards me and his baby brother. Watching that interaction pulls at my heart-strings, as well.

While these all seem like normal everyday happenings, the mood and general feeling in our home makes me sense that there is more to it. I am not ready to give up my old ways of schooling just yet but, I am  having flickers of understanding of the beauty of this lifestyle. I am fighting off my need to make a schedule and a list and think sleep might come easy for the first time this week.  Finally, I am trusting what I feel even though I cannot see results....I know, with every fiber of my being that they are there. 

Great idea for chores for a family with several kids!!!

This great chore chart was a product of the 70’s and still works great today.  We use a four tiered chart: 1-Name of kid, 2-kitchen chore, 3- bathroom chore, 4- room of responsibility or ROR.  Having four kids makes it easy, but I won’t bore you with the merits of having four kids.  If you have one to three kids you can add mom and/or dad to the wheel.   If you have five plus kids doing chores, good for you! More helpers means less work for you and dad.   You may actually have a hard time coming up with enough chores.  In this case, you can assign the job of Sheriff.  This was a coveted job in my home, growing up with five siblings.  The Sheriff inspects the other jobs and makes sure the quality is up to snuff.  

We keep the same chores all week and rotate the wheel on Sunday.  After dinner before anyone is excused, we do the kitchen chores: everyone clears their own plate, rinses and stacks them in the right hand sink.  The kitchen jobs are 1. load, 2. clear & wipe countertops, 3. sweep  4. unload.  Dad takes out the kitchen trash.   This system ensures that the kitchen is always presentable and sanitary.   Then before bed, the kids do a bathroom job 1. Wipe down toilet exterior, swish bowl 2. Wipe down countertop, sink and mirror. 3. Disinfect floor and wipe down 4. Spray and rinse shower and tub.  And they also do an inspection of their ROR, putting  away anything out of place, 1. Living room 2. TV room 3. Downstairs Bathroom 4. Stairs and hallways.  On Saturday, they do a full scrub job on their bathroom job and dust and vacuum their ROR (obviously I vacuum for the 5 year old.)  When they are out of school, I give more detailed jobs in their ROR.  You can also use the detail jobs for penalties for infractions. 

I wanted to start today's blog with some quotes that might inspire you, as they did me:

"I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught." -Winston Churchill

"Schooling, instead of encouraging the asking of questions, too often discourages it." -Madeleine L'Engle

"Before children go to school in the first place, all of their natural learning systems are intact. This is what we can see from families who have homeschooled their kids from the very beginning. However, once children are in school for about three years, they are forced to shift over to a very unnatural system to survive the emphasis on memorization and the daily stress, rigidity, and humiliation of classroom life." -Judy Garvey in GWS #76

"You cannot teach a person anything; you can only help him find it within himself." -Galileo

"The child who attends public school typically spends approximately 1,100 hours a year there, but only twenty percent of these -- 220 -- are spent, as the educators say, 'on task'. Nearly 900 hours, or eighty percent, are squandered on what are essentially organizational matters." -Homeschooling For Excellence

"Most people, most of the time, learn most of what they know about science and technology outside of school." -National Science Foundation

"The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught." -Vauvenargues

n the end, the secret to learning is so simple: Think only about whatever you love. Follow it, do it, dream about it...and it will hit you: learning was there all the time, happening by itself." -Grace Llewellyn

“Schools are designed on the assumption that there is a secret to everything in life; that the quality of life depends upon knowing that secret; that secrets can only be known in orderly successions; and that only teachers can properly reveal these secrets. An individual with a schooled mind conceives of the world as a pyramid of classified packages accessible only to those who carry the proper tags.” – Ivan Illich

“Our rapidly moving, information-based society badly needs people who know how to find facts rather than memorize them, and who know how to cope with change in creative ways. You don’t learn those things in school.” – Wendy Priesnitz

“If we taught babies to talk as most skills are taught in school, they would memorize lists of sounds in a predetermined order and practice them alone in a closet.”  Linda Darling-Hammond

 The next thing I would like to share is a video that may just have the most accurate and plausible explanation of what Unschooling is. It is long but, after watching the first 15 minutes, both my mom and I had an "Ah, Ha" moment where it finally clicked.


http://youtu.be/LwIyy1Fi-4Q?t=3m39s


I hope that these quotes and the video will help you, as they did me, to inspire confidence that "unschooling" can make sense and that it can work for your family. I am not trying to convince anyone to go out and begin unschooling. What I am trying to do is open your mind to the possibility that there are other options that both the brick and mortar school based system and the conventional homeschooling methods that we normally hear about might not offer. Since I decided to home school I have been plagued with fears about "not doing enough". I don't think I am alone in this. I think it's pretty common. What if, just what if, I am doing too much?

Day Two- "Unschooling Experiment"
Yesterday went pretty well for the children. Andy and Lexi went swimming most of the day while Nikolas watched "Liberty's Kids"( a video series that covers a vast amount of historical information through cartoon characters) most of the day. In the morning they each explored topics that they were interested in. The most unusual part of the day was when the boys decided they wanted to explore different languages. They picked French and German. They watched Pocahontas in French then they watched Sesame Street in German. I don't think I have ever seen my sons laugh as hard as they did when they heard German!!!! German, in my opinion, is a rather coarse sounding language. In contrast, they both fell in love with French. So much so, that they watched nearly the entire movie, regardless of the fact that they couldn't understand it. On a positive note, the children got along exceptionally well, despite the lack of structure.In deep contrast to the children, I went to bed nervous and uncomfortable that the kids didn't learn "enough"(whatever that is!)
Today, we went to our HS coop and learned about Picasso. While I can't say exactly what was learned today by each of the children, I can say that, I know that what they did pick up, was useful. Looking at this situation from an Unschooling perspective, I saw my son Andy playing so beautifully with children who were much younger than him. He gave them piggy back rides and acted like a unicorn and was the most patient, I think, I have ever witnessed him being! My daughter, Lexi, who is painfully shy, opened up and played and talked. If you have seen my normally boisterous and playful daughter go completely mute when spoken to, you know what an accomplishment this is. My son Nikolas played with his friend Jacob for over an hour, peacefully and without incident. They were so quiet, you might not know that they were there. This, to me, is also a special part of our day because, it's so wonderful to see my son "click" with someone. Anyone with a really good friend who "gets" you, knows what a wonderful feeling that is. So, did we learn our times tables today? No! We did not. However, it would be a hindrance to my family if I failed to take notice of the happenings I mentioned. For today, I am at peace with Unschooling and it's magic.

UNSCHOOL EXPERIMENT- Day One

Just some pics from our day today:

Andy loved spending time with his big bro today!

Learning about static electricity!

Little Peanut's version of static electricity

Big E got his first tooth! Big day, today!

Nikolas made Andy an excellent omelet

The boys watching video's in French and German. They decided that French is pretty and German is just hilarious!

Rain check

Big E is cutting teeth tonight and keeps waking up so no blogging for me :( I promise to fill you in tomorrow on today's happenings.

The Unschooling Experiment.....

This week our family is going to try out "unschooling". If you are not familiar with unschooling, let me explain what my understanding of it is. It is, essentially, child-led learning. There are varying degree's of how to embrace this philosophy. As with any style of parenting, there are extremes to it. You have those parents that simply ask their children what they would like to learn and then they design a curriculum around that. Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, you have those that allow their children to to choose whether to brush their teeth, decide what time they go to bed and let them do, basically whatever they choose. I am sure there are those that would say that you are not "unschooling" if you influence them in any way but, I liken that to saying that one is not a vegetarian if they eat fish. I don't want to offend anyone. I actually understand and respect those that choose the most radical of unschooling philosophies. I see how it may work. However, for this week, I am going about this approach in a more moderate fashion. I can only justify this by saying that, as a mom, you have to go with what feels right. I need some time to myself at night to stay sane so I enforce bedtimes.

So I had a talk with my children last week and explained to them that they had free reign this week. There would be no lists to check off, no schedules and that the world was their oyster. All that I asked of them was to limit their video gaming to one hour a day. They agreed. They are allowed to use the computer if they want to look things up or watch video's. The tv can also be used to explore a topic of their choosing. I know that there are things to learn through video gaming but, from what I can tell, my kids have no problem exploring that topic. Since we are limiting our unschooling experiment to a week or two(for now), I think it best to limit video games for our little unschooling trial. Just my personal decision. This morning, thus far, the kids slept in a little more than usual. Surprisingly, They all seem super enthusiastic about soaking in information this week. Nikolas jumped on the computer and is judiciously scouring the Internet for information on scorpions. Andreas is doing an experiment on static electricity and Lexi is tagging along with Nik as he watches videos on the Red Indian scorpion. So far, this is adventure is starting off exceptionally well! I will fill you in tonight about all the details. Wish us luck!

static electricity!!!!

"Me Time"...What's That?

I heard someone ask about how HS parents are able to get in their "me time" on a a home school web page and it got me thinking about what my "me time" is. For me, "me time" means going to the bathroom with the door locked. It means taking a shower for long enough to shave BOTH legs. The shower is great because when the kids try to come talk to me, all I hear is "wa,wa,wa,waaa,waah.....MOMMY!!!!!!""wa,wa,wa,waaa,waah.....MOMMY!!!!!!"
It may be the only time I ever get to myself.
Really.
Don't feel bad for me because this is my own doing. I believe there are seasons in life and, with a four month old who nurses several times a day, it's his time right now. I know that as his needs for me become less urgent, I will be able to fit in more time for myself. As a HS parent, I think it's crucial that you give yourself the gift of "me time". I don't mean a day at the spa kind of "me time". I mean that you carve out quiet times in your schedule so that you can find some peace. If that means a nap in the afternoon while your older children read quietly in their room, then so be it. If that means enforcing an earlier bedtime so that you and your hubby have some time alone, than all the better!
I have asked a slew of veteran home school parents what their secret was to finding balance in their life with the children with them all the time and the most frequent response I get is a chuckle, along with the phrase "it's a work in progress". The truth is, most of us strive to find balance so that life will run smoothly. However, from what I can tell, it's something you aim for. I don't even think this is a problem among only HS parents. I think this is a parenting issue. As moms, we have a tendency to want to do it all and if there isn't much left over for ourselves, well, we are willing to accept that. I keep saying to myself that I will wake up at 5:00am and go for a quick walk before the children wake up. It seems like a FANTASTIC idea at midnight, when I finally roll into bed. I even go so far as to set out my workout clothes and shoes to make it easier. This has happened more times than I would like to admit! All well, maybe I will get some "me time" when my kids are in college.