UNSCHOOLING EXPERIMENT: DAY 4

“To understand a child we have to watch him at play, study him in his different moods; we cannot project upon him our own prejudices, hopes and fears, or mould him to fit the pattern of our desires. If we are constantly judging the child according to our personal likes and dislikes, we are bound to create barriers and hindrances in our relationship with him and in his relationships with the world. Unfortunately, most of us desire to shape the child in a way that is gratifying to our own vanities and idiosyncrasies; we find varying degrees of comfort and satisfaction in exclusive ownership and domination.”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti, Education and the Significance of Life

Our 4th day Unschooling was, by far, the most wonderful day we have had in our house in a long time!!! Being that, we have a lot of good days, that says a lot. What made it so special, you ask? Our home was literally, a utopia today. The kids were so pragmatic with each other. There was no bickering. NONE! Throughout the day, there were clandestine little moments that I am sure I missed but, for the most part, I saw a general sense of harmony, without the normal fluctuations in mood that are typical of our household on "school days". My oldest child spent the day being kind and showing empathy towards his brother. This is such a contrast to our normal happenings! Let me explain, my sons are 11 months apart in age, and to add to that, extremely different from each other. My 11 year old grasps most things without trying and isn't always humble about it. My 10 year old is warm, creative and very compassionate, yet he struggles to understand many concepts. I am sure that he often feels like "what's the point" as he trys to comprehend academic concepts. His brother "get's it" right away, and this makes him feel as though he isn't intelligent. As a mom, this breaks my heart. The thing that I can see, that my 10 year old can't, is that, once he grasps something, he really understands it. It doesn't matter that it took him a little longer. I struggle to convey that to him.

What made today so special was that my oldest, on his own recognisance, felt empathy for his brother, and made a decision to act differently towards him. He said "Mama, it must be really tough always watching me do so well, so easily while he struggles. I would hate that! I am not going to boast any more. It makes Andy feel bad. I am going to be more patient and help him". That's exactly what he did. He cooked Andy breakfast and patiently showed him how to do it. He encouraged Andy when he became frustrated at his Greek lessons, urging him to keep trying. He praised him for trying. He even went so far as to tell me that he will let his brother win sometimes, at boardgames, because he wants to build his confidence. He's 11 years old. I wonder what kind of man he will become? I have read that sibling relationships are extremely important for shaping the kind of spouse you will be. If there are no siblings in a family, cousins or very close Friends can stand in for that type of relationship. Normally, the boys relationship is filled with strife and competition. Today showed me that, while my children may or may not be the most erudite, they have learned a ton this week!

Maybe, what we needed most was to look inward, and have the time and space to focus on our relationships with each other. That is the beauty of unschooling, I'm discovering. Time and space and freedom open up the mind to wander. Wandering minds aren't the thing of rebellion and chaos, as many of us were taught to believe. Each day, I am pleasantly surprised at the choices my children are making, ON THEIR OWN. They are reading and writing and playing and exercising and thinking and doing. Not because it's written on a list that I made. They are doing these things because of an innate desire to do them. So, while it may not seem like they are doing "enough" from the outside, upon closer inspection I am finding that the opportunities are boundless with this lifestyle. I am learning so much each day that I think that we need to continue this "experiment" for another week. What do you think?