The Myths of Parenting Exposed!!!!

Beware, if you have yet to enter the threshold of parenting this might frighten you out of it! Sure, people warned me of the changes my body would encounter. I had an inkling that my breasts might become more like socks with weights in them after nursing worked it's magic. Other veteran moms smirked when I touted how I wanted four children while pregnant with my first. In fact, I'm pretty sure they warned me of the many pitfalls of motherhood repeatedly. When your young, idealism tends to win out over practicality. I'd like to explore some of the myths of parenting that go so often ignored by our Utopian society.

One of the first falsehoods I encountered as a new mom is this inscrutable notion that breastfeeding prevents pregnancy. Where did this fabrication come from? I recall many things about my hospital experience when delivering my first born. The first being "the boob Nazi's". These were the women sent in my room under the guise of lactation consultants. There job, as far as I can tell, is to grab your milk-makers and shove them in your babies mouth! The next memory that sticks out is how I was told repeatedly by these women that breastfeeding(if done exclusively) prevents pregnancy. They seemed so knowledgeable and bold to be able to come into my room and perform such a task that I was fooled into thinking they wouldn't steer me astray. Kind of like when you're 15 yrs. old and choose to date a much older ,more experienced guy(I never did this, of coarse. It's just an example. Wink! Wink!). You, naivly believe he knows all the answers just because he's so confident.

I found out how wrong they were during my post partum check up approximately eight weeks after my son Nikolas's birth. I had missed my initial appointment that was scheduled as a  six week check up . I remember how excited I was to show off my precious child. Unfortunately, I had a terrible doctor at the time who my mom and I referred to as "the bitchy troll" so I just focused on displaying him to everyone else. My mood was joy full as I entered the office. It felt nice to comb my hair and actually have time to rinse out the shampoo as my mom held my son while I got ready. Needless to say, the day started out promising. My memory is pretty foggy following my sons birth due to many factors including hormones and sleep deprivation. However, this day will forever be ingrained in my mind as the day I became cognizant of the fact that you can't trust everyone, no matter how confident they may appear.

The mood was light. Everyone seemed enamored with my boy. It felt validating. Then, "the bitchy troll's" face became instantaneously solemn. She informed me that I was expecting. I looked around for Ashton Kutcher, hoping I was being "punked". He never appeared. My mom began laughing! Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me but, it sounded like a baby doll who's batteries are low. It wasn't her normal laugh. The "bitchy troll" then proceeded to admonish me for not giving my body time to heal, as if this was planned! I can honestly say this turned out to be a blessing, as I can't imagine my life without my son, Andreas. At the time, however, it was a lot to take in.

The second myth I'd like to examine is that breastfeeding is a natural instinct. We have this romantic notion in our heads of feeding our infant without it being in any way difficult. Animals do it! They don't need any encouragement. Why would women, you might ask. I read baby books. I vaguely skimmed the section on nursing because I was eluded enough to think it was a no-brainer. Let me elaborate. There is an occurrence called  a "growth spurt" that happens at approximate times during the first several months of nursing. This is a kind way of saying that your wee-infant will marathon nurse for days, to encourage milk production. It can catch you off guard if your not in the know because I, unfortunately, took it as a sign that my body was lacking somehow. After two days of this I began to crack. At one point, I thought about breaking out the solid baby food even though my son was only two weeks old. I figured he must be an anomaly. Maybe, he was a future line-backer and needed a special diet. Thankfully, my mother talked me out of this and suggested I introduce some formula. In hindsight, I regret my hysteria and wish I would've called the "boobie hotline" that the hospital supplied.

So you see, myths about motherhood exist. They confuse new mothers and make us second guess ourselves. Sometimes, they come from the most unlikely of sources so, as veteran moms, it's our job to expose them so others don't have to suffer. Even if we look like complete idiots, it's our duty to mention these dark fabrications. Most will likely do what I did and shun our well-meaning advice. That's ok. In time, they will learn and join the club.