I had always envisioned having a dog like Lassie or Benji but, instead mine were more like the German Shepherd in the movie "K9". When I was 15 years old my parents finally gave into my plea's for a pet and bought me a beautiful male GS puppy. Upon bringing him home we quickly, realized we had some serious work ahead of us in the obedience department. Like all puppies, he enjoyed chewing to help alleviate his teething pain. When I arrived home from school and saw that half of our deck was missing I became alarmed. He also had "munched" on the screen door, the BBQ grill and had started to work on the siding of our home. There was an element of spitefulness in what "Enzo" chewed. If you put him outside, he chewed off all of the screens on the windows. If you locked him in the laundry room, he would chew off the chords to the washer and dryer. If you locked him in my room he would eat off the door to my closet then, one by one, eat off the soles to my shoes. If this wasn't enough he seemed to have emotional issue's ,as well. If he got in a "mood" he would go sit in my parents shower facing the wall and ignore ,any and all, plea's to look at at me. He was the "rock of Gibraltar" and short of picking him up(did I mention he grew to be 120lbs) he would sit there until he got over whatever was plaguing him.
I decided it would be a fun experience to take him to an obedience class. I entered our "class" with high hopes. This was short-lived as I entered the room with all the other "doggy/human" pairs sitting quietly waiting for our teacher to begin. Enzo pulled me,using all of his body weight, towards a kind woman with a Labrador. He lunged, full throttle, in attack mode, at this kind woman. The look of terror on her face was one I won't soon forget! After, this we were sequestered, for the remainder of the class, to the back of the room. Enzo was fitted with a "pronged collar". I started getting a sick feeling in my stomach.
Our first exercise consisted of teaching our pets "off". We were to hold out a hot dog and our "best friend" was supposed to "ignore" it. I've always heard of animals having a "conniption" but, I have never been an audience to an episode like this. I can only say that nothing can prepare you for it. Enzo's "shackles" on his back stood up vertically. He began salivating like 'Cujo" and using every ounce of his strength, pulled away from me, pronged collar, obviously, irrelevant. As the entire class sat in horror, he ,at lightening speed, managed to grab every hot dog out of the humans hands. Then, he jumped up on the instructor, and grabbed the entire package of hot dogs, and ate it in one bite, plastic and all! Needless to say, we did not obtain a graduation certificate that day, for passing the first exercise. Consequentially, we were asked to "never step foot in that building, again!"
In all fairness, I was fifteen years old when I became Enzo's "mommy". For those of you who knew me at this time, it was at the height of my teenage angst. However, as time as gone on it has become apparent that deranged animals seek me out. Through the years, I have had a dog that ate concrete,a dog that "humped" as a favorite pastime, with a special preference for purses, dogs that , when you called "come" would run the other direction. I had a cat that had separation anxiety, and would leave me a "present" if I closed her out of the room I was in. On the bright side I did have a poodle and a parakeet (Nik & click) who were the best of friends. The bird would "ride" the poodle and they would "sing" together as a way of bonding.
As I lay awake at night picturing what it would be like to have a "normal" pet, my chihuahua keeps trying to "hump" my leg, even though I repeatedly push her off. I sit, trying to ignore the fact that my big dog has been licking my pillow for the past 30 minutes. As bazarre as my pets have been, they add such joy and folly to my life, even if, at times, it is perverse. I've read books and tried umpteen amounts of training methods, all to no avail. Maybe, I am the one that needs training. I think, just like humans, our pets come with numorous quirks and personality challenges. I think mine would be the "Jersey Shore" variety. I am sure if you asked the parents of the kids on that show, they would focus, blindly, on their kids good points. For whatever reason, my pets have been the dysfunctional, slightly eccentric kind. I think my focus should be one of acceptance, instead of trying to fight this well known fact. They certainly add flavor to my life and even if they stubbornly, dig their heels in when I ask the smallest of commands, a quick lick on my ear is all it takes to remind me of why I love them so~
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