"Insufficiently Greek"

"Atleast, you're Greek so I can introduce you to my mom". I will never forget the time when Nik looked at me and nonchalantly said those words to me. If you're not familiar with the Greek culture they may sound shocking. I secretly chuckled to myself because Nik assumed that because my last name was Kousaleos I was as Greek as they come. The fact is, my Greek father adopted me when he married my mom when I was just 6 years old. My upbringing was deeply influenced by both of my parents and their inherent cultures. Nik's kind of reminded me of the movie " Goodfella's" only he didn't have to beat anyone up.


After I explained my lack of "Greekness" to Nik he took it in stride. However, he knew this might be a tricky situation for his parent's as they are first generation Kalymians & he was the baby of the family. He brought me to his big sister's house so we could collaborate with her about how to handle this delicate topic. She prepped me on certain subjects that may come up when I met her parents and offered to come with us when we had our first meeting together. I felt nervous but, tentatively hopeful that I, atleast had her on my side.


We went to a Greek restaurant in the downtown Tarpon Area. I practiced some Greek salutations in the car on the way to the restaurant. Everything seemed to be going pretty well until I saw what my future mother in law ordered as an appetizer. For lack of a better word it looked like a giant penis! It was pickeled octopus! To make a good impression I willed myself to eat it. Nik kept inappropriatly laughing because he knew how much this was out of character for me. He had heard the story of how my dad had tricked me into trying grilled octopus by telling me it was lobster. He had also heard about the ensuing tantrum & vomiting that followed when I had found out what I was actually consuming.Needless to say, pickeled octopus will not be a part of my regular diet.


I am proud to say that ,for the most part, Nik's friends and family embraced me so much that I felt taken a back by they their warmth & acceptance. They looked past the fact that the only Greek words I knew were mainly cuss words. They kindly schooled me the night before my wedding on some basic Greek wedding dances. My Greek relatives closed ranks and helped me to navigate this tightly knit community. I couldn't have asked for more!


As time passed, I have fallen in love with this rich culture! I am proud to be able to share it with my children. My in laws and I laugh about the pickled octopus incedent at family dinners.My mother in law affectionatly calls me a "Kalymia" which translates to "Kalymian woman". I absolutely love Greek food and even started putting lemon on my steak! (Greeks put lemon on EVERYTHING). However, after 10 years of marriage one topic has not been resolved but, something tells me, it never will. Nik seems to believe his heritage supercedes my Italian/Irish stock. His pride borders on narcissm. He proudly denounces mine as inferior while simultaneously bragging that his ancestors overpowered the Italians during the war. I counter that we both have beautiful traditions that color our family life & that ,while unique, both have similar value systems. Greeks are known for their fierce sense of pride. However, I could say the same for the Italians & Irish, as well. So, it seems, this is one of those marital spats that isn't meant to be resolved. Maybe, we need ten more years to figure it out.