If there is One universal truth that I have found to be true, it's that all moms or moms-to-be strive to be a "good mom". As I sit staring at my ever-expanding belly(I'm pregnant with my 4th child), I pondered what that really means. I have learned that there is no "right answer". From the moment I locked eyes with my first born son, I can tell you that the love I felt for him can not be put into words and that the desire to be a "good mom" started to blossom.
Motherhood means different things to different people. From the mom who works long hours so her child can attend the best schools to the mom who stays at home so she can be present for every milestone, both mothers love is immeasurable!! Over time, my definition of mothering well has evolved. It is through my own mistakes that I've learned that parenting, in and of itself, is a constantly expanding school of knowledge! When you see your two year old scream bloody murder because his day isn't going well and it mirrors the fit you threw earlier because the dog ate your shoe, you realize mothering forces you to face your own weaknesses. The daily lessons I hope to bestow on my children are the exact ones I have had to wrestle with!
There are some things that I've learned along the way that have really helped me to grow as a mom. I'd like to pass them on to anyone who might benefit from them so maybe your journey can be a little less trial and error. Some I've discovered while others are gems from mommies before me. Either way, use what's useful to you and disregard the ones that don't apply.
1) Resist the temptation to use all the fancy gadgets and hold your baby as much as possible when they're a newborn. Not only is it good for them, it's good for you too!
2) Take care of you!!! Being a good mom means being a good example. I have seen mothers who feed their baby home-made organic baby food and enroll them in infant swimming so as to keep their child healthy and fit. All the while, the mom is eating Mcdonald's and hasn't exercised since middle school gym class. Children learn about life by what YOU DO, not by what you say! Believe me when I say that they are constantly watching your every move!!! They are more inclined to do what you DO, not what you SAY.
3) We all have bad days where we are spent from a night of teething babies or temper tantrums that we simply have to get through the day. It's ok to not love the "mothering thing" sometimes! Find some good mom friends that you can call and share your fears that your sweet Mikey eats his ear wax or that your sweet Bessy has an affinity for cat poop. These women are an invaluable source of strength and reason in a world that can often be unreasonable! When you spend your days with 2 year olds, you need grown up conversations too!
4) Sleep is your friend!! Take it from a former late night( ok all night!!) teenager, you need to get enough sleep. Sure, you can get by on sleep but, I assure it catches up to you. Dealing with your colicky 3 month old while driving home from picking up your bickering school-age children is much more bearable after a 30 minute power nap! It takes some practice but, I can now fall asleep in less than 30 seconds flat!
5) When children scream that they hate you and declare that they no longer need your mothering services, it is actually code for "I need you, now more than ever!" I once was told that it is when our children push us away that they need us the most and when they depend on us too much that we should foster their independence. It is lessons like these that make me look at my own mother with such love and reverence!!
6) Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.
-Pamela Glenconner. One of my favorite quotes :)
7) Our children ARE NOT miniature versions of ourselves!!! Children shouldn't be born with the job to inflate your ego! They are their own beautiful, unique souls. Get to know them and learn about what makes them special.
8) Being a mom means knowing the difference between having a close and honest relationship and trying to be your kids friend. If you love your children you will have the courage to discipline them and teach them how to treat people. Trust me when I say that letting your kids do whatever they want is not a gift! Their future bosses, wives, husbands, teachers will thank you!
9) Don't be the mom that can't see her Childs faults! If my children are playing with your kids and I hear "OWIE, stop it!!!" I instantly say "what did my child do?" Maybe, they are guilty, maybe they aren't but, I will not ever be the mom who says "Oh, no not MY CHILD!" Not only does it do your kid a disservice it makes other moms frustrated if you are blind to your Childs imperfections.
10) Enjoy being a mom!! Remind yourself as you are sitting in the middle of the "tent city"(Aka your living room) that these moments are fleeting! Soon they will be moving out and you will miss the times that they still came and gave you hugs without being asked.
11) When tempers flare and you are met with rolling eyes and burrowed foreheads remember what it was like to be a child. Discipline should come from a place of love and understanding. Time-outs aren't just for the kids. Parenting is best done when we are calm enough to say things so our love comes through...not anger. Your message will sink in either way.
12) When you ask most kids what it is they want most from you...it's you!! Make time to play, cuddle, laugh and just enjoy each others company. You will never get this time back in their lives. Make it count.
13) Strive to be a good mom, not a perfect one. We all make mistakes! One of the best gifts we can give to our children is to show our vulnerability. Life is messy! When you busy yourself with aiming for perfection you miss out on what's most important.
14) If you have a strong desire to be a good mom, chances are, you already are :)
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