Home Schooling During the Holidays...

As a busy mom of four, I am often intrigued by the many blogs I read about home schooling. It always seems like I never have the time to do all the fun and exciting things that others get to do. I'm not complaining so much as I am in awe. We are planning on working hard over the next 13 days and then will take "off" from our typical workbox work. I am excited to approach things in an "unschooley"(is that a word?) type fashion for about three weeks. I hope to do science experiments, drink hot cocoa and see Christmas lights(I promise to use sippy cups or something with a cover. This is for my hubby, who is neurotic about keeping our van clean), make ornaments, practice random acts of kindness and read a few good books together. I wonder if I can do all of that in just three short weeks? We are having family come and I also need to find a way to do Christmas shopping with all four kids home with me all the time(A new challenge, as my kids were in public school last year).

So, let me pose this question to you: "How do home school during the Holidays?" 

I need advice and hand-holding through this. If you wouldn't mind sharing, you would be doing me a huge favor. Thanks in advance & Happy Holidays from our house to yours....

-Jenn

Hand Made Gifts Are Made With Love...

As I sit here and rock my baby to sleep, my mind wanders off to planning this Holiday season. I have decided to make home made gifts this year. I am not talking about useless coasters either. I have some special ideas in mind for my dear friends & family.
The best part about this is that I can include the children in my gift making.
How special for them to learn about the joy one gets from making something for those we love. I am also excited about using fresh organic ingredients. The children can help print out labels and write sweet sentiments on each of the gifts.
What kinds of things do you like to do for Christmas? Are there crafts that you enjoy doing as a family? What's your thought on home made gifts? This will be our first year attempting this. Please send prayers & positive thoughts as this crazy homeschooler is a far cry from a domestic Goddess! This will truly be a labor of love...
Happy Holidays from our house to yours!
- Jenn Parianos

COOTIE

And this is what makes all my sleep deprivation worth while..

Night From Hell...

So, judging by the title of this blog I'm sure you've ascertained that it's a horror story. It actually is a horror story but, not the kind you are used to hearing. This is a different breed all together. There's no blood and gore but, I assure you, sleep deprivation is a scary thing. It's used as a form of torture for soldiers in training and with good reason! It messes you up! If you have any friends with baby fever, just email them this blog entry. It should cure it right up!
Ok, so here it goes. My night from HELL:
We have family in town visiting and so our normal routine has gone out the window this week. Who knew that an 8 month old child could possibly sense this? These little humans have spidey senses. They can sense when things are "off". My sister in law is visiting. She is also my wee sons Godmother. Let me just say that if you wanted to witness pure and delirious love, just watch my sister- in- law with my infant son. She would probably have sucked his little cheeks right off his face if I would've let her this week. She is completely and utterly in love with my son. She also came to visit when my baby boy was 2 months old. To help me, she rocked my little angel to sleep by gently swaying and humming. He remembers this, because babies are like elephants and can recall ALL kinds of things that we are not aware of. Their brains are like sponges or something, or so I've read. Ok, so back to the night in question. My baby boy not only has an excellent memory but, I've discovered that he is somewhat passive aggressive. He doesn't cry when he sees me walk into a room and he wants me to hold him. No, not my boy! He moans while giving my eye-daggers then promptly bites the poor unsuspecting victim who's holding him! Remember the biting thing because we will come back to it again.
So, last night we decided to watch a movie at midnight. Why not? We can sleep when we are dead! Carpe Diem and all that jazz... I never said I was the brightest candle on the cake now did I?
 Anywho, so my baby went to bed at 9:30pm and then awoke, as usual, at midnight to nurse. "Cootie" as I like to call him, is like clockwork. He has a routine and as a parent who believes in attachment parenting, I have followed my baby's lead on when he eats and sleeps. Never the less, it was a good routine. UNTIL....he woke up at midnight and instead of going back to sleep, sensed that we were all wide awake and followed suit. Cootie was bright eyed and bushy tailed until 2am, when we all went to bed. Only, he was so wound up that he wouldn't fall asleep nursing next to me like usual. No, he wanted to be rocked and hummed to... If I tried to lay him next to me to nurse he would BITE ME. He wouldn't break the skin but, let me assure you that even with only three teeth, a gentle bite on your nipples feels like a baby shark is nursing! You might be wondering right about now how I knew that my wee lamb wanted to be coddled and rocked and hummed to. I knew because if I held my baby boy in the cradle position, he would physically move himself left to right while humming to HIMSELF! If I stopped humming he would begin to hum but, in a very aggressive manner and give me the stink eye. A few times I felt myself dozing off while humming. What woke me from this relaxed state was a a little "shark nip" administered by little "Cootie". This fun little dance went on and on for what seemed like hours. Finally, he fell asleep. This is where things got tricky. You see, as a mom, I've learned to develop special talents. Get your mind out of the gutter....not "THOSE" kinds of talents! No, special abilities that only moms seem to comprehend. Putting my wee lamb down in his bed without waking him is a very delicate situation. When you have rocked and hummed and have been bitten numerous times, you have worked too hard to have all of it just thrown down the drain! So, you must place the baby in his bed in a particular way. There is no breathing during these few moments so it helps if you have a diving certificate from your pre-baby days. You can practice this skill when you take baths by holding your breath while using an egg timer. The key is to learn to be completely motionless WHILE imparting a feeling of comfort and warmth to your infant. It sounds much easier than it actually is. It takes practice & experience. Thankfully, as a mom of four, I have had that, so I was able to get my Cootie into his bed, which is right next to mine, in a matter of seconds.
Then, this is the other tricky part, I had to some how crawl into my bed without the motion waking him up. Once again, practice is key here. Doing drills with your husband may help. Also, playing hide and go seek in the dark with your other children can be useful to hone in on your special "mommy talents". Speaking of my husband, you might be wondering where he is during this everlasting night. He layed down at 2:00am and was in dreamland promptly by 2:02am. You see, fathers don't seem to notice when there is movement or sound in the room. I think they must have dull senses because they have to be able to sleep through their very own LOUD, bomb-like snoring. They all seem to be extremely heavy sleepers. For some reason, they don't hear the baby crying. I often wonder, as I am sitting there nursing my baby for the 15th time by 5am how the hell our offspring would survive if men could nurse. I know that it's no accident that women were given this role. Men just don't seem to notice noises at night. I on the other hand, have bat-like hearing, when I am trying to sleep. I should say, I have that kind of hearing now that I am a mother. Prebaby, I was much like my husband, sleeping peacefully despite an alarm going off for hours.
So, I crawl into my bed while I hold my breath and move without really moving, doing it in steps, so as to get comfortable. It is now 3am. My husband, who is dead to the world, does not realize we are supposed to be holding our breath so he COUGHS and snores then COUGHS again.
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, WAAAAAAAAAHHH, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Cootie is up.....again. I bring him into bed with me and try to tickle his back and begin nursing him. I start to fall asleep. I think I even started to dream then..... OUCH, he nips me and starts rocking and humming HIMSELF in the bed. NO, not this again, I think to myself but, he is determined. Every time I try to fall back asleep my wee little lad keeps nipping my poor girlie bits.
So, I wake up and cuddle my baby boy in my arms and start the hhhhmmm, hhhhmmmm,hhhmmmm, rock, sway, hhhhmmm,hhhhmmmm, rock, sway.
I feel him let go. Heavy weight in my arms. It's now 3:49am. Again, I do the special holding breath thing and place him in his bassinet. I sneak into my bed with the utmost care, careful not to breath or move too much. I have to pee but, I don't care, I just decide to try and pretend that I don't. Have you ever done this while falling asleep? It's all I can think about but, I can't risk that much movement. I've worked too hard! So, out of sheer exhaustion, I start to fall asleep.
THEN, in walks my 6 year old. BABAAAAAA(daddy in Greek). BABAAAAA!!!! (6 year olds don't know that sound travels)
WAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAH! (The baby wakes up)
My husband.....is.....still......snoring.
I hush my daughter and tell her to get in my bed. She starts to fall back asleep. I pick the baby up and start the rocking and humming. At this point, I am delirious. I think I may even be hallucinating because I swear I hear I cat meowing. This would be fine except we don't own any cats. I do the breath holding thing and put the baby down. I crawl into the bed and, once again, ignore the full bladder. I start to fall asleep.
COUGH, COUGH, COUGH....snore.
I wait. I hold my breath instinctively because.....well, just because.
Nothing. Whew!
I'm in the clear. My eyes are blurry but, I think the clock says 4:46am.
I close my eyes and start to allow myself to drift off.
It's quiet.
For all of a minute and a half.
"Mamaaaaaaaa, I'm thiiiiiiirsty. Can you get me some waaaaater" says my daughter.
WAAAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
"ZZZZZzzzzzzzz" my husband is still snoring.
This is the "Night from Hell", mommy style.

Walking the Tightrope....

I wake up to the chihuahua scratching at the covers at the end of my bed. I rub my eyes and they are dry and irritated, like sand some how crept into the corners as I slept. I glance at the clock...4:43am. I turn over and begin to try and lull myself back to sleep, beg my brain to turn off, as I try to focus on thinking about nothing. I urge my brain to "go blank". I slowly begin to fall back into dreamland as my body lets go, loses it's fight to stay awake.
Crying....I hear crying! Oh wait, I am a mother and that is my baby crying. I scoot the chihuahua to the side and go to pick up my infant son. I happen to glance at the clock. It's 4:59am. I nuzzle my sweaty little baby boy into my arms. He's a sweaty little beast, I think to myself and hug him in closer for being the little boy that he is. He nurses with vigor and growls and coos in excitement as he eats. He also grabs at my nose and digs into the softness of it. He's sharpening his new found skill of grabbing at things, I think. It feels like he's ripping my face off! Gone are the nights where I can bring him into the bed with me as we both drift back to sleep. It's like nursing "The Hulk" I think to myself. He tuckers himself out after finishing both sides and falls into the kind of sleep that only babies get to have. In this sleep, there are no worries or stress. They are truly at peace. I decide to get up and start my day. There is no turning off my brain at this point. I seek out coffee, to help remove the sand that's in my eyes.
As I sip my coffee, my 10 year old walks into the kitchen. His hair is sticking straight up and disheveled, his shirt is on backwards and inside out. I look at him and have a melancholy moment where I picture him at 3 years old, waking up, my morning boy, arms outstretched, ready to embrace me. He hugs me and gives me a half hearted smile. Sweet, sweet boy, my Andy is. He brings me his book that we are reading together. We sit on the couch and cuddle and laugh at the silliness of the book. In the back of my mind I think to myself "I am SO blessed". It's a feeling I get several times a day. I may not be rich when it comes to money but, my LOVE bank is overflowing. For this, I am grateful.
We put on our sneakers and go for a walk. The air is cool and crisp. The sun is slowly peeking over the horizon. Andy looks up and points to all the beautiful colors in the sky and says "Mama, God is here with us". I know what he means because I feel it too.We walk into the house and I see my parents sitting at the table eating their breakfast. The baby is up, sitting in his high chair. He squeals with delight at the sight of me! Next to him is my daughter, talking away to my father at a decibel used only in a circus ring. The girl does not have a quiet button. My dad keeps chiding her gently to lower her voice. She seems unaware. Out of the corner of my eye I see my oldest son. He's got his head in a book, reading fervently. I say "Good morning Nikola" in Greek. He pops his head up above the book and says "Oh, hi Mama. I'm doing my work!" This is another one of those moments for which I am grateful. My oldest child does his work without ANY help or direction from me. He enjoys learning and embraces it. I realize how lucky I am for that.
I start trying to gather my daughter into the dining room to begin her work. She's in a mood today. "Mama, I will only do two pages and THAT"S IT!" she exclaims. I start our calendar routine and am in a constant state of trying to be what I am not. I am not feeling calm yet must act that way. I must stay poker-faced and redirect her repeatedly without stressing about it. This is the balancing act, the nitty gritty of parenting that wears mothers out. I push down, push away my anger and frustration because it serves no purpose here, in this space. I am the mom & the teacher. My reaction or lack of one when she is fidgety and restless says more to her than if I make a big fuss. She isn't just learning math, she is learning how to be calm.
As I am listening to my daughter read her book to me, I hear the distinct sound of someone cutting paper. I peek into the office to see my son Andy making "art". I try to decide if I should let him finish his masterpiece or redirect him to his schoolwork. It appears that, he is just cutting up pieces up paper for the heck of it and I gently guide him to his workbox. "You can do your art when you reach box number 4." I say. Box number 4 is the break box. It's filled with a snack and a little art project. He says sweetly "yes mam". I know that this is not the only time I will be saying this to my son today. Much like with my daughter, I must remain poker faced and simply redirect. My sons attention span is that of a kitten! Only, his currency isn't string or yarn, it's art, or youtube videos. He loves music and enjoys watching music videos.
The day goes on like this. it's a mix of tiny moments of joy and laughter. What am I missing in this tender scene? Oh, yes....THE FIGHTING! THE BICKERING! Let's not forget that:
NIKOLAS: "Mama, what grade level is Andy's book?"
ME: "Why Nikola? What's the difference?"
NIKOLAS: "Well, Mama why does he get to read a comic book? I am reading "The Hobbit"!!! It's not fair!!
ANDY: "SHUT UP NIK!!!"
ALEXIA: "YOU SAID A POTTY WAAAARD ANDY!!! MAMA, AAANDY SAID A POTTY WAAARD!"
ME: "Nikolas, mind your own business. Alexia thank you for telling me and Andy, stop playing guns and SIT DOWN PLEASE AND GET BACK TO WORK!"
ELI: "WAAAAAAH, WAAAAAAAH,WAHHHHH!"
I nurse the baby and it starts again.
NIKOLAS: "Mama, how come Andy only wrote one paragraph? I wrote three! ANDYYYY, you are going to grow up and work at Mcdonald's! Mama, if he doesn't write more he's going to grow up and work at "The Circle K!!!!!!"
ALEXIA: " Mama, Nikolas is beeeeing Meeeeeaaaan to AAAAAAndy!"
ME: "Nikolas, be kind and humble please. Alexia, please come here and finish reading to me. Andy! AAAAAndddddddyyyyy, where are you?"
ANDY: (almost inaudably)" I am in my room. I will be right out. I am taking my break."
I look over and see that he's only finished one assignment. He's got 5 more to go. He's no where near his break box!!!
ME: AAAAANNNNNDDDDDYYYYY, PLEASE COME BACK AND FINISH YOUR WORK!
Andy walks in the room and looks at me sweetly. "Sorry Mama" he says with a look that melts my heart.
I push down the anger. I stand poker-faced and remain calm. I walk a tightrope because I can not freak out. I am teaching how to handle anger, not just how to add and subtract. They are watching me, always watching me, to see how to behave.
And so it goes....my day, this day, is much like any other. I am the mother. I am the home school teacher. I can not grow weary from the continuum that is my life. This is part of it. It's the nitty gritty, the meat of it. I know I am doing good work, even if it's not in plain view. The fruits of my rewards will come in time, even if I can't always see them. I walk the tightrope. "The best prize life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing"-Theodore Roosevelt

Happy Halloween!!! 2012

THE GOOD MOTHER:

The Good Mother?
If there is One universal truth that I have found to be true, it's that all moms or moms-to-be strive to be a "good mom". As I sit staring at my ever-expanding belly(I'm pregnant with my 4th child), I pondered what that really means. I have learned that there is no "right answer". From the moment I locked eyes with my first born son, I can tell you that the love I felt for him can not be put into words and that the desire to be a "good mom" started to blossom.
Motherhood means different things to different people. From the mom who works long hours so her child can attend the best schools to the mom who stays at home so she can be present for every milestone, both mothers love is immeasurable!! Over time, my definition of mothering well has evolved. It is through my own mistakes that I've learned that parenting, in and of itself, is a constantly expanding school of knowledge! When you see your two year old scream bloody murder because his day isn't going well and it mirrors the fit you threw earlier because the dog ate your shoe, you realize mothering forces you to face your own weaknesses. The daily lessons I hope to bestow on my children are the exact ones I have had to wrestle with!
There are some things that I've learned along the way that have really helped me to grow as a mom. I'd like to pass them on to anyone who might benefit from them so maybe your journey can be a little less trial and error. Some I've discovered while others are gems from mommies before me. Either way, use what's useful to you and disregard the ones that don't apply.
1) Resist the temptation to use all the fancy gadgets and hold your baby as much as possible when they're a newborn. Not only is it good for them, it's good for you too!
2) Take care of you!!! Being a good mom means being a good example. I have seen mothers who feed their baby home-made organic baby food and enroll them in infant swimming so as to keep their child healthy and fit. All the while, the mom is eating Mcdonald's and hasn't exercised since middle school gym class. Children learn about life by what YOU DO, not by what you say! Believe me when I say that they are constantly watching your every move!!! They are more inclined to do what you DO, not what you SAY.
3) We all have bad days where we are spent from a night of teething babies or temper tantrums that we simply have to get through the day. It's ok to not love the "mothering thing" sometimes! Find some good mom friends that you can call and share your fears that your sweet Mikey eats his ear wax or that your sweet Bessy has an affinity for cat poop. These women are an invaluable source of strength and reason in a world that can often be unreasonable! When you spend your days with 2 year olds, you need grown up conversations too!
4) Sleep is your friend!! Take it from a former late night( ok all night!!) teenager, you need to get enough sleep. Sure, you can get by on sleep but, I assure it catches up to you. Dealing with your colicky 3 month old while driving home from picking up your bickering school-age children is much more bearable after a 30 minute power nap! It takes some practice but, I can now fall asleep in less than 30 seconds flat!
5) When children scream that they hate you and declare that they no longer need your mothering services, it is actually code for "I need you, now more than ever!" I once was told that it is when our children push us away that they need us the most and when they depend on us too much that we should foster their independence. It is lessons like these that make me look at my own mother with such love and reverence!!
6) Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.
-Pamela Glenconner. One of my favorite quotes :)
7) Our children ARE NOT miniature versions of ourselves!!! Children shouldn't be born with the job to inflate your ego! They are their own beautiful, unique souls. Get to know them and learn about what makes them special.
8) Being a mom means knowing the difference between having a close and honest relationship and trying to be your kids friend. If you love your children you will have the courage to discipline them and teach them how to treat people. Trust me when I say that letting your kids do whatever they want is not a gift! Their future bosses, wives, husbands, teachers will thank you!
9) Don't be the mom that can't see her Childs faults! If my children are playing with your kids and I hear "OWIE, stop it!!!" I instantly say "what did my child do?" Maybe, they are guilty, maybe they aren't but, I will not ever be the mom who says "Oh, no not MY CHILD!" Not only does it do your kid a disservice it makes other moms frustrated if you are blind to your Childs imperfections.
10) Enjoy being a mom!! Remind yourself as you are sitting in the middle of the "tent city"(Aka your living room) that these moments are fleeting! Soon they will be moving out and you will miss the times that they still came and gave you hugs without being asked.
11) When tempers flare and you are met with rolling eyes and burrowed foreheads remember what it was like to be a child. Discipline should come from a place of love and understanding. Time-outs aren't just for the kids. Parenting is best done when we are calm enough to say things so our love comes through...not anger. Your message will sink in either way.
12) When you ask most kids what it is they want most from you...it's you!! Make time to play, cuddle, laugh and just enjoy each others company. You will never get this time back in their lives. Make it count.
13) Strive to be a good mom, not a perfect one. We all make mistakes! One of the best gifts we can give to our children is to show our vulnerability. Life is messy! When you busy yourself with aiming for perfection you miss out on what's most important.
14) If you have a strong desire to be a good mom, chances are, you already are :)

ALL IN A DAYS WORK....

The familiar glow of morning light shines through the window and I can hear his sweet baby sounds. He giggles and coos and sucks on his feet. I'm tired. I had a fitted sleep filled with hazy memories of diaper changes and midnight nursings. I roll out of bed and put on my slippers and slide on my robe. I put on the light and my baby boy sees me and his face lights up in a tender smile. It's like sunshine hitting my face on a cold day and any pang of resentment I harnessed for my lack of rest washes away in an instant. I gently pick him up and cradle him in my arms and breath in his sweet smell. He laughs with excitement, his high pitched belly laugh that makes me laugh too. I place him on the changing table and as I tend to him I become increasingly aware that I'm being watched.
I go about my business trying to act as if I don't notice them. Little hushed giggles coming from the hallway. Like a flash, my daughter comes running into my room and rushes to her baby brothers feet. She likes his feet, nibbles on them while more belly giggles fill the room. I notice my daughters outfit. She's wearing her brothers soccer shirt and his old church pants. I quietly chuckle to myself that she finds this comfortable sleeping attire. Her hair is disheveled and her eyes have that slightly droopy look that shows that she's just woken up. My son Andy walks into the room next. He immediately comes and embraces me, as he has done every morning since he was a boy, my gentle natured, cuddly son. He picks up the baby and we head out to the kitchen to start our day.
As I make my coffee out walks my son Nikolas. He's rubbing the sleep from his eyes and I notice that he's wearing his shirt backwards, his hair's sticking straight up. He wanders over to me slowly and gives me a long hug, resting his head on my shoulder, which, at eleven, he now reaches. The baby sees him and squeals in excitement, my first and last born, tied in a special bond that bridges their age difference without notice. As I sip my coffee I notice that Alexia is sitting on the kitchen floor reading a book to her dolly. She says each word, enunciating each letter slowly and carefully, taking her time. The sweet part of this scene is that she's holding the baby in a self made "baby sling", much like the one I wear most of the time. Nikolas is the first one to begin his schoolwork, doing so without me asking, making me thankful that I am blessed with a child who is self-motivated. Andy is weaving in and out of the room, hurriedly, hoping I won't notice the remote control he's taken apart. He does this "for fun" to see how it works. I ask him if he's started his work, to which he replies "I'm doing a science experiment. It counts Mama, it's science!" I decide to stop him, only because we have our weekly home school cooperative in two hours and he needs to do actual work. Before I can enter his room, he comes running out dressed up in his Halloween costume. This is funny because it's the costume he wore several years before so it's REALLY REALLY tight! This makes my mom, who's sitting at the table eating her breakfast, laugh so hard she snorts! More giggling ensues and now the baby squeals again with delight. This high pitched noise excites our chihuahua, who begins howling in a yodeling type howl, happy to contribute to her family's conversation.
Andy looks over and sees Nik doing his work so he decides to start his. He sits down at his desk and starts working. He is still in his ninja costume. As I work with Alexia on her math problems I notice that Andy is, once again, out of his seat. I call from the study "Andy, GET IN HERE, NOW!" No answer. I call again. No answer AGAIN! I mutter obscenities under my breath as I walk towards his room and BOOM!!!!!!!!! Andy, jumps from around the corner, scaring me to death! More muttered obscenities, to which Alexia chimes in from another room "Mama, you said a potty wawd!" Her odd Boston sounding accent gets me every time, and I can barely keep from laughing as I say "You are right sweetie. Mommy should not say that word." Andy now realizes it will be defcon 5 if he doesn't act like he's really taking this work thing seriously so he, still in the ninja costume, grabs a book off the bookcase and buries his nose in it, as if deeply enthralled with what's in it. Sadly for him, he fails to notice that it's a thesaurus.
I just stare across the room with a poker face. This is a far better tactic than yelling with Andy. He is a a sensitive child who, all kidding aside, wants to do well. He simply is our "class clown, and likes to start the day by making those around him smile. Andy can't read my mood so he FINALLY decides to do his work! I go to play a language arts game with Alexia, only to find her sitting at the table with ALL of her book work done! She is grinning from ear to ear, beaming with pride. I give her a great big hug and thank her for being such a "big girl". She responds by saying "No, I am and you AND daddy's big girl" then she darts off into her room, only to quickly turn around to give Eli kisses first. I go from child to child, at this point,helping them, as needed. Sometimes this means talking them through a problem, other times it simply means repeating back the question to them so they figure it out themselves. We gather our belongings and head out the door to be with friends at our weekly coop. I buckle the baby in his car seat and get in my van. As I look in my rear view mirror I see my children, all sitting quietly, looking out the window. I get a tinge of bittersweet aching in my belly for I know these times are priceless. My kids are all growing so fast. Nikolas put 's on our favorite song and we head off down the.....
HOLY BATMAN!!!! I notice that ALL the kids have on their Halloween costume.....more obscenities muttered.....more Lexi going "Mama you said a potty wawwwwwd!"
And such is a day in the life of a home school parent.
Quite frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Daddy...

The girl sat on her mothers bed, a girl of 7, with almond, brown eyes and thin, yet silky raven hair. Her feet dangled over the side of the bed as she slid closer to her mother, as if she was going to tell her a secret. She was a girl filled with questions and uncertainties. "Mommy, why doesn't daddy write to me?' she asked her mother. Her mother looked into her daughters troubled face and said the first thing that came to mind. "He doesn't have any stamps, sweetie" she says, knowing that this answer would not suffice for her curious child. The young girl began to cry. Then, since she doesn't have the words, she instinctively pulls her daughter into a tight embrace, hoping that she could ease the pain, the void that is so palpable, in her child's heart. A pain that will grow and metastasize into a bitter rage during the girls adolescent years.
That girl was me, as you may have guessed, and this conversation happened as a result of my parents divorce, when I was two years old. From the moment my mother left, my father no longer existed in my life. He signed away his rights to me, without any argument, when I was just six years old. His vacancy was felt deeply in my formative years. It just so happens that my mom met and married a wonderful man, when I was 7 years old. As I sit here today, cleaning out my jewelry box, I find a tiny little name bracelet that reminds me of another time in my life that stands out among the many clouded memories that I vow to keep from fading away. It's gold, with my name etched in cursive on the front. The back has a date on it. November 21st, 1982.
 I will never forget this date. In fact, I can sit here and picture the days happenings in my mind like it was yesterday.
My mother dressed me in a creme and violet dress. George, her new husband, lifted me up in his strong, yet tender arms, so he could speak to me at eye level. "Jennifer" he said. "We are going to the courthouse today for something very special. Today is the day that the court will grant me the right to be your daddy. Do you understand?" he asked nervously, wanting so very much to feel my love and acceptance. "Yes" I said ,timidly. "Do you have any questions?" George asked me, studying my face to see if my young mind was grasping the depth of the situation. I sat, fidgeting for a moment, then looked into his deep brown eyes and said quietly, almost in a whisper ,"Um, would it be ok if I call you Daddy?" This man, who was holding me in what seemed to be the strongest arms in the world, began to cry. He cried tears of joy and held me close, in a protective embrace, and said "Jennifer, I would be honored if you called me your daddy." With that, he put me down and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small red box and popped it open for me to observe. It held the name bracelet. He said, and I will never forget the intensity of his words, "From now on, you will have a daddy. I will never leave you or mommy. You are my daughter and no matter what you do, no matter what you say or how you act, I will always love you." He reached for my tiny wrist and clasped the bracelet on gently.
This was so many years ago. Yet, he stood by his word. My father is the epitome of a man. He is always pragmatic and dependable. He supported me through the pain and abandonment issues I had, as a result of my biological father's actions. I married a Greek man, much like my father. The old adage that girls marry a man in their fathers shadow held true for me. As I have matured and become a parent myself, I have realized what a gift my father gave me by accepting me into his heart. The bracelet was just a bonus. So, I tuck it away, in my jewelry box to keep it safe, much like I tuck away these memories. Unlike the bracelet, I carry them with me always. I will always remember that I once was a girl  who wanted nothing more than a fathers love...

Our Adventures in Homeschooling!!!

Lately, I haven't had the time to write because frankly, we've been uber busy!!! Here's a photo montage of some of our adventures....

This Is Why I Homeschool..

A note from my 11 year old son:

Mommys Little Secrets :)

WARNING: If you are prone to judgement and criticism, please just skip over this blog. I am going to share things about myself that may cause you to judge me so please go easy on me.

As I lay my head on my pillow and fall into dreamland, I often wonder if I am being too idealistic about how I view my parenting. Am I being realistic with how well my children are doing? I thought it best to just "put it all out there". Sometimes, I think, I am prone to see things how I want them to be and not how they actually are so please, take a moment to take a peek into my life and feel free to give me any constructive criticism.

1) My children are really well behaved in public but, at home, it's a totally different story. My sons compete over EVERYTHING! They bicker for sport and do so simply to pass the time. My response to this is to A) Tune it out or B) Ask my boys if anyone is bleeding or losing a limb. I refuse to get sucked into their fights! I feel that it will only lead to me being a referee or judge and I simply do not have the time to argue about whether a sandwich is a fraction of a molecule bigger or whether so-and-so can burp louder! I do intervene if there is physical fights but, only to separate them for a short cool off period. To quote Bill Cosby "Parents don't care about justice. They want quiet". He was a very wise man :)
2) My house is not spotless nor is that a priority. I clean in spurts or when I just can't stand it anymore. There are dust bunnies on my dust bunnies every once in a while and, while I don't like it, I feel like I have a ton of other things I could be doing other than cleaning my house.
3) To add to that, I am horrible about tending to my laundry. I am really good about putting the load of wash into the washer then into the dryer but, somehow that's where it ends. I have piles of CLEAN clothes that I need to put away. I am hoping that one day, my fairy God Mother will come and instead of taking me to the ball, will kindly put my clothes away in the proper spots.
4) I have an alarm of some kind in my house that goes off every night at 11:28pm and I am too lazy to go searching for it to shut it off. It is likely one of my kids toys but, I don't really know and well, I just pretend it's a cuckoo clock.
5) I have been known to drop all "school work" to go to the park because I want to socialize.....or if the weather is nice....or if I don't feel like saying to my one son for the 50th time "have you done your math yet?"
6) I can't remember the last time I gave my big dog a bath! It was warm outside. I know that much!
7) I use a work box system for home schooling. I fill up the kids work boxes each night for them to do the following day and the idea is that they will finish all of them by a certain time. Well, sometimes they do and sometimes I just leave it for the next day. I usually will make them finish them or find another applicable activity for them to do. Usually, but, not always.
8) I am prone to breaking out in really bad dances just for the heck of it. I purposely do the funky chicken or my version of the "Milli Vanilli" dance. My children see this. They now, imitate me. This might cause them to be judged in college.
9) I talk to my kids very openly about most things. This is not for me, so that I can talk but, for them so that they can feel comfortable asking me questions. Most things, within reason, are not off limits. It is because of this that my husband has given me really odd looks when he comes home from work. My daughter announced to him that she had a "china" and boys had a "pouli" and that this arrangement simply was unfair. She was three at the time and was obsessed with peeing standing up. We would often walk past the bathroom only to do a double take because she was standing on top of the potty with pee streaming down her legs. My husband would chastise me for not making her a "lady". My response to this was to agree and then secretly chuckle. Please, if you see my husband, keep this bit of information to yourself.
10) My purse is in a sad state at the present time. I had a small purse but, decided to get a larger one and this decision was not one of my better ones. My purse has become my children's official "hiding zone" from one another. My daughter hides toys that she has sniped from her brother and my son attempts to hide things he's sniped from his sister and so on and so forth. I once found a a piece of hot dog in there that my daughter had been hiding in her pocket. It was raw but, somehow seemed edible after many weeks. It seems hot dogs have a ton of preservatives and probably should not be fed to children or pets. I won't judge you if you do. I'm just passing along information.
11) Speaking of dogs. I use my dogs as vacuum cleaners. I know the vet says that they should not eat people food but, the way I see it, my dogs live a life of luxury where they have no "tricks" that they have to do or any real responsibilities so it's the one way that they can contribute to the household. My husband thinks I am bonkers because I spend a lot of money on "natural, homeopathic dog food" then let them eat all our scraps that my kids drop. This is another instance that I smile and nod. I see a pattern forming here. This may be an issue I should address in another blog.
12) I often leave the house without requiring my sons to comb their hair. I also let them dress themselves. They, for some odd reason, wear their shirts inside out and backwards. My sons went through a faze were they didn't zip up their fly's but, then I noticed that none of their friends did either so I just left this one alone.
13) I have been known to let my children fall asleep where they may and just hope that they find their way to their bed. They are extremely deep sleepers and while still in a dream state, would cry for hours if I tried to move them because they thought that I made them leave an amusement park or Birthday Party(They seem to have this recurring dream). My one child(I will keep their names private to protect the innocent) actually did physically get up and move toward their bedroom but, I later found him/her laying all sprawled out on the bathroom floor. I did what any good mom would do and put a pillow under his/her head.
14) I pay my son to bathe. My 11 year old is oddly fixated on his hairstyle, spending an hour making it look just so but, refuses to take a shower. I tried a sticker chart but, he lost it and I just now, remembered that we were using that. I will go try to find it now because this shower business is getting really expensive!!!

I don't drink but, reading this makes me think that maybe I should start.

See, I cover them and Lucy makes sure they are warm.

I'm "Just A Mom"...

One of my earliest memories was when my mom dropped me off at preschool one day. I was a child of four, shy and withdrawn in the company of strangers, with a kind and quiet manner. This memory is faded and murky but, stands out because I can recall how I FELT with such intensity. I remember wanting my mother so much that I would stare out the window of the preschool and imagine myself walking to her work. In my mind, I could easily make the long and congested trek, if only my teacher would let me. I recall crying gently in my blankie, pining for my "mommy", hoping 3 o'clock would come quickly, so we could be reunited again.
Flash forward a few years and another memory stands out boldly among the others in my winding staircase of a brain. It was the first day of school during what was to be my 3rd grade year. My mom walked me to class while I nervously held her hand, my little hand in hers, clammy with sweat. I remember smiling at her as she exited my homeroom, me smiling bravely at her, putting on a brave face. As soon as I knew she was a safe distance away, I promptly buried my face in my hands, trying to hide my tears and anxiety from the other students. It was this moment that maybe, just maybe, the seed was planted that allowed me to consider home educating my children.
I also knew that I was different from other kids when we would talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Little boys would say things like police-officer and little girls would say things like a teacher or a nurse. I would simply say "I want to be a mom". Not to say that working moms aren't moms. I just knew with every fiber of my being that I wanted to be the kind of mom who didn't have to go to another job outside the home.
This is not to say that I am particularly domestic. I don't enjoy cooking  nor do I bake very well. I don't really have a "cleaning schedule" although, I did read a book called "The Fly Lady" that suggested that if I wear my shoes in the house all the time, I would be more likely to clean "something". My natural and inherent volume is louder than most. Yup, I'm a shouter! A practice that most likely is a genetic trait that dates back to my Italian heritage. I have been known to have a sailor mouth, another by- product of my heritage. This time from my Irish grandmother, God rest her soul. I don't sew or knit or macrame or possess any other domestic talent that stands out above others.
You might be thinking, at this point, that I should have yearned for a different occupation in life. So, let me share what I AM proficient at. I am very good at adapting to my children's needs. While my natural inclination is to yell, I am aware of this malady, and am constantly trying to remedy it by reading books on positive parenting, while simultaneously trying to implement their practices. I am quite loving and intuitive with my children. I make it a point that they feel loved, attended to and secure. I spend a lot of quiet moments with each of them and try to just be "present". I am good at evolving WITH them and adapt my parenting to their many stages of growth and maturity.I focus a lot of my energy on helping them deal with their strong emotions and, at times, hot tempers. A gift, I think, for my future daughter/son in laws. Finally, I think I am pretty good at putting myself in their place. My goal as a mom is three-fold. I want them to have a memorable childhood that was filled with delight and wonder. I want them to learn to be good, kind and thought provoking human beings who know their value in this world. Lastly, I want to prepare them for their adult life by simply facilitating them in their passions and helping them to reach their goals and life's pursuits.
I'm just a mom. I don't have a resume, a cubicle or an office with a view. I've never written a book or starred in a movie. I won't be winning a pulitzer prize or acquiring my P.H.D in anything in the near future. My closet isn't filled with fancy suits or designer shoes. My clothes are bought for comfort so I can get dirty playing in the leaves with the kids. My toes aren't manicured unless you count multicolored blobs painted by a 6 year old as being "manicured". My idea of a work out isn't hitting the gym but, consists of playing hide and go seek, duck-duck goose or rocking my baby tenderly to sleep.
I'm just a mom and my legacy is carried in my children and in their children and so on and so forth.
It is in the family I have created. I imagine Sunday dinners and loud, boisterous family gatherings filled with grandchildren and family recipes.
My legacy will be in the conversations my children will have when I'm long gone about how I, above all else, believed in them , rallied for them, fought for them and put their needs above my own.
Yup, I'm "just a mom."

"I Knew She Wasn't Shy!!!!!!"

So this week something magical happened! Something that, I am so lucky to have witnessed. In order for me to tell you, I'm going to have to give you some background information. This isn't my first year of homeschooling. I actually dabbled in it before, when my boys were between 6 & 8. I say dabbled because I lacked the confidence that I have now, so I always had known in the back of my head that my kids would end up back in school again. At the time, I had a lot of family members second guessing my abilities. I also, had custody of my God-daughter, a teenager who , at the time, was really struggling. My focus had to be on her, more often than not. I also am my WORST critic! I let the "should's" invade my brain. The "should's" are things like "Shouldn't he be reading?" or "Well, my Brutus read the Iliad at the age of 4. He is now working on his P.H.D at Yale university. He's 8" Comparing your children to others is a big no no in my book. It will only cloud how you view your child and you will surely miss out on seeing the wonderful abilities that your child has. No good can come from it!
Now, as I boldly enter the world of home-schooling for the 2nd time, I am armed with so much more confidence in my abilities to guide my children in the world. Chalk it up to more experience and having spoken to enough veteran HS parents. I don't stress if we don't get to everything that I wanted to that day. I don't feel inadequate if another parent tells me of their child's amazing abilities. I feel happy for them and know that my kids are exactly at the place they need to be. Learning is a part of our lifestyle so my kids are less inclined to get upset if I ask them to do "work" with me on a Saturday or Sunday. I am learning to focus more on the whole picture, not just the parts. So, if Andy asks if he can tell me the answers to an assignment instead of writing it, I am learning to be ok with that. The point is to make sure he is acquiring knowledge, not MAKING him write it. I trust that, in time, he will learn to enjoy writing somewhat. He is extremely creative and artistic. He is also very sensitive and able to clearly communicate his feelings. That's such a precious gift to be able to, at 10 years old, state how you hurt, how and why you are angry, how you see yourself in situations. It's only a matter of time and maturity, I think, for him to see that writing can be creative and artistic.
Speaking of maturity, the something I was speaking about earlier....the magical something is about my Lexi(aka "Monkey Marie"). She was always such a little character at home. She likes to dress up in her brothers clothes, she's loud, silly, warm and loving, highly verbal(with a Boston accent that we aren't sure where she acquired it??), prone to break out in odd dance moves for the fun of it, a melodic and harmonious singer that enjoys breaking out in song for no reason, is a little fish who, when she was baptized didn't cry, she laughed out loud because she loves water so much, strong-willed yet very respectful, seems to be lacking the "mean gene", cuddly girl who nursed for a VERY long time, gentle sister who really loves her siblings. She is the type of child that, in a fit of anger, has never said "I hate you!" Instead, she internalizes things so she might yell "You hate ME!"
Lexi was this way at HOME. However, as soon as we went out in public, you would never know it. She became a painfully shy child who froze up if spoken to by anyone she didn't know. Upon entering kindergarten, these shy feelings only exacerbated. I felt a sharp pang in the pit of my stomach the first time that I volunteered in my sweet daughter's class as I saw her avoiding interaction of any kind with the other children. The contrast between how she acted in the safety of our home from how she acted at school was remarkable! Then, starting in June, we began our home school journey. As time has gone on I have noticed a slight blossoming in her public persona. Then, we started going to our first Tallahassee Home school Group Park Day two weeks ago and everything changed. We are also involved in a co-op and home school soccer. I noticed my child approaching other little girls to play. I noticed that when adults try to make a connection she responds. Then, the unthinkable happened yesterday. On the way to my Dr's appt. she turned and looked at me and proclaimed "Mama, I am not shy anymore!!!!" In the doctors office she went up to different nurses and doctors and playfully introduced herself. She circulated the room and enjoyed having interactions with everyone she encountered. My child has come out of her shell, so to speak. It was a wonderful to thing to witness. I have witnessed it before. My son, Nikolas was the same way.....until I began home schooling him. In a matter of weeks, the same thing occurred with him. I recognize this as a normal part of what naturally evolves when your child is surrounded by so many parents. It must feel safer. I have noticed the children are kinder in home school circles. Not better, just less prone to use ugly or derogatory statements to each other. Maybe that's why. Maybe it's because I am never too far away from her now and she feels safe to be herself. I don't know the why, I only know the how. The common denomintor seems to be home educating my children. It has happened twice now, when I pulled my child from the public education system, both times, in a short amount of time. It is a glorious thing to watch unfold, to see your child lose their insecurities, in a matter of weeks. Maybe they just matured really quickly, but, I believe it is a direct result of the environment that home- schooling offers. It's one of the reasons I began home educating my children. I wanted them to have the opportunity to have a childhood that lacked all the school drama. I wanted them to feel free to be eccentric and unusual without being put down for it. Uniqueness seems to be celebrated in the home school community. I've noticed that the parents are like this , as well. We embrace each others differences, even celebrate them! I know this because I feel this same feeling of acceptance, too. I can't speak for everyone but, over all, despite having exceptionally different ways of home educating our children, we all bond over our common goal of wanting the best for our kids. It is as communal as you can get!
With that, I need to begin our day, at home, as a family. My children keep coming in and poking at what I'm doing. "Mama, what are you writing, they ask", like it's some secret operation. My daughter keeps coming and sitting on my lap to get cuddles and kisses. My oldest son keeps coming in and reading his newest book to me. My sweet Andy is in the living room building a model. I am typing while wearing my 6 month old on my back in a sling. Yes, I feel blessed :)

Just some sayings that inspired me:

Morning walk with Nikolas...

Fall is upon us and we felt a slight coolness in the air today. We saw a birds nest with baby birds. We spoke of traveling to Colorado and going snowboarding together. Nikolas is such a bright, kind, gentle child, at times. Other times, I get a glimpse of the next stage in his boyhood as he enters adolescence. He can be ornery and morose and it pains me to know that it's at these time he needs distance. I must respect his independence. He is still a boy who likes his back tickled before bed and finds bathroom humor entertaining. Motherhood is such a blessing!!! I treasure these precarious moments, as they are fleeting. Have a wonderful day!